Her Version vs My (Correct) Version

CAITLYN SAYS:  She didn’t have a say as to what house we rented for our weekend in Niagara.

TRUTH:  As a group, it was decided an AirBnB would make more sense than a hotel.  I then researched dozens of options.  I took her suggested home and 3 of the ones that I thought would be good candidates and created a Facebook voting poll for our group message thread.  The others ladies, myself, AND Caitlyn unanimously voted for the house we all liked the best based on price, number of beds, and location.


CAITLYN SAYS:  Any time she suggested an activity, she was brushed aside and no one listened to her.

TRUTH:  Caitlyn thought it would be fun to go to a water park and rent a cabana.  I called the location and got prices and posted the information in our message thread.  Caitlyn mentioned a tribute band playing the night we arrived.  In the message thread, I agreed to the concert while a couple of ladies said that they wouldn’t be there in time, but to go ahead.


CAITLYN SAYS:  I changed plans multiple times.  I wanted to go to the haunted house, so we did.  I changed dinner plans in order to have my piercing done.  Again, she didn’t have a say in anything, I just got my way.

TRUTH:  We went downtown as a group when that was not necessary.  I wanted to go to the haunted house and said that A) not everyone had to come and B) I was also willing to cancel that idea.  Caitlyn did not even go to the haunted house.  But she did want to go down to the falls, so we did.

I decided to have my nipple pierced, which was something I had been talking about during the whole planning process of this trip.  I left to go and have this done at 4PM.  I was back by 5PM after going to the grocery store to get soda – for Caitlyn.  I went to have a little nap (as did she!) and when I came out, she was still gone and had told everyone that she didn’t want to go to dinner.


CAITLYN SAYS:  She was the one to find the other half of our group while all I did was complain.  She then navigated us through the casino to a restaurant and then out and to the nightclub.

TRUTH:  She found the other half of the group because she is a control freak who was uninterested in waiting for instructions as to where they were.  I waited until we knew where we were going.  And yes, my killer sexy heels were killing my feet as we walked all the way across the planet in the freezing cold at maximum speed.  I don’t know about the casino thing, but ok.  As for the restaurant – SHE DIDN’T WANT DINNER!!  And I specifically said I was not hungry.  So fuck off – she wanted to eat.  We went to the club as a group and I don’t know who was leading.  I was probably whining and complaining the whole way there.  I know I was mad as we passed the club I wanted to go to the in first place.


CAITLYN SAYS:  For the first hour at the club, she was the only one dancing.  She was there “for hours” and was assaulted twice before deciding to go home.  She then noticed that this club was close to the AirBnB she had suggested and was mad cause she could have walked back alone instead of needing an uber.

TRUTH:  She was miserable and we all knew it.  The thing is this:  I told her she didn’t have to come because I knew it wasn’t her thing and I was ok with that.  I personally wanted to dance and had said this to the group weeks before we even went on this weekend trip.  Regarding the assaults… that really has nothing to do with me.  First of all, I didn’t even know it had happened.  Secondly, I didn’t want to go to this club.  The club that someone told us that the American guys are particularly aggressive at, but everyone insisted would be fine.  More to that next.  And the AirBnB – well we went over that already.


CAITLYN SAYS:  She needed to go and buy clothes she didn’t want or need so that we could go out to the club I was forcing us all to go to.

TRUTH:  Part One:  1.  Months in advance, I inform everyone that I want to go dancing, but if it’s not your thing, no worries, I can go alone.  This is the only thing that I really wanted to do over the weekend, so I was going to go, with or without people.  2.  I put our names on the guest list at Club A.  I tell the group.  3.  The morning we are leaving, I show everyone in the FB thread the dress I am bringing to go out clubbing to.  We drove up together and the entire time we are talking about dancing and getting dressed up.  4.  Saturday morning, I tell everyone that the club sent the dress code.  Caitlyn says that she doesn’t have anything to wear to the club.  She says that she will go to value village and buy something.  5.  She got dressed with everyone, she even let everyone do her hair and makeup.

Part Two:  I picked Club A because no one else cared where we went – until Saturday afternoon, AFTER I went to have my piercing.  I came out of the bathroom and everyone was talking about instead going to Club B because there was no cover charge… even though we were informed the crowd of guys were known for being pushy.  Not my choice, but what the group decided.


CAITLYN SAYS:  She messaged the group about going to another club/bar that had food and maybe dancing.  Or we could just all go home.  The 3 of them went home and apparently one of them received a message that the 3 of us were also coming home.  She then ordered pizza and went to the balcony.

TRUTH:  I informed everyone before we left to go to the casino/club that my phone was almost dead.  Stupid, I know, but I forgot to charge it.  Anyway, I did not get that message.  One of the girls I was with didn’t even look at her phone, and the last one just said we should go home.  I agreed because… why the fuck would we leave one club to go to another?


CAITLYN SAYS:  I called her and the other two “bitches”.

TRUTH:  Yes.  I said “We came home and these bitches aren’t even here.”  All the lights were off, it was quiet, and I had just been told that they found a different bar.  I was annoyed and very, very drunk.


CAITLYN SAYS:  She was pissed but kept a smile on her face the whole time.

TRUTH:  She didn’t talk to anyone, she stayed on her phone, she declined to play the group card game to instead sit alone, she then went to bed without much more than a “Goodnight”.  We knew she was pissed off.


CAITLYN SAYS:  We ditched her and abandoned her with no food on Sunday morning.

TRUTH:  This part bugs me so much.  I got up in the morning, still a bit tipsy.  We needed to check out at 11AM.  I started packing my crap when it was mentioned that I could drive back in Car B with my bestie and Allie so that we could get me home a little faster and they could see my daughters before they went for a nap (my BEST friend wanted to see her “nieces” because she’d gotten them gifts and hadn’t seen the girls in a year).  There was also freezing rain in Ottawa, where my bestie and A live, so they wanted to get on the road.  I mentioned this to the other two ladies who drove up with Caitlyn and I, and they didn’t see a problem.  Sara was bunking with Caitlyn and she was going to wake her up, but felt bad.  We all then started bringing our bags and shit downstairs, I got in the car and left.  As for the food – 1.  I bought all of that fucking food.  2.  I know I left the bananas, cause Sara wanted them.  3. SHE’S A FUCKING ADULT.


CAITLYN SAYS:  We should have woken her up.

TRUTH:  Maybe.  But since she is my neighbour, pretty much (yep, awkward), I didn’t think we needed to have some long, drawn out goodbye.  And since she doesn’t know my bestie and A overly well, we didn’t think she would care either way.  The other two ladies didn’t think it was a problem to just leave, and neither did we.  5 out of 6 people said it was alright to go home, we really didn’t think that we were doing anything wrong.  She then made a comment about the cleaner being the one to wake her up, but… there were two other people there!  Why would waking her up be my job??


CAITLYN SAYS:  I didn’t have the balls to call her on Sunday after she texted me to say she was pissed.

TRUTH:  SHE TEXTED ME FIRST.  I then apologized 3 times and she replied with “Thanks”.  I tried to speak with her many times and was shut out.  It was 3 weeks later when I AGAIN reached out to her to see if she wanted to meet.  I text because no one calls anyone anymore, she wouldn’t have answered anyway, and I am busy and don’t want to call her.  If she can give me the silent treatment then she can deal with me texting instead of calling.



OK, now that I got that out, I feel a bit better.

Honestly, she twisted every little thing to make it my fault.  My husband says that she was just mad and I was her punching bag, she was “projecting”.  And maybe that is the case, but it’s so totally uncalled for.  I am no one’s punching bag – NO ONE.

I have therapy tomorrow… and I’m fairly certain this will be the thing we chat about for the whole hour.  I’m writing to try and get it all off of my heart and out of my brain.  I have been talking to Cody about it, but I don’t want to burden him either.  He and Caitlyn’s husband are good friends.  So, I’ll talk with my therapist tomorrow and then maybe put most of this to bed.





ps – to clarify the assaults:  A female had “hit on” Caitlyn and felt her up; someone elbowed her in the ribs.

I take sexual assault and violence against women very seriously.  Had Caitlyn told me what happened, of course I would have been there to assist, report, whatever needed to happen.  But she did not tell me.

And I hate to say it, but… in a packed club, people get elbowed.  Generally it’s accidental.  Not always, but sometimes.  Once again, had I known, I would have done what I could to help!

Starting Again

We went out and finally bought a new computer!  I am hoping that this will make it easier to write my posts more often.  I’ve been wanting to write and get some feelings and thoughts out, but with only being able to use to WP app, I just didn’t have the patience.  I swear – everytime I would write a post, it would delete and I’d have to start over.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  (I swore I would never use that term, but it seemed apt for this occasion!)

So, my friends – thank you for sticking with me.  I hope to be able to bring you some fun stories again.  And Cody and I are also trying to get pregnant again, so that stuff will be making a regular appearance as well.

OH!  And the Dove campaign!!  I completely forgot.  I’ll post more about that next time.  What an amazing opportunity, let me tell you.

I am also going to be starting another blog, though I am not sure I’ll be posting anything between the two.  Who knows, maybe I’ll link to it as well.

Hope you’re all doing well.  Even though I haven’t been posting, I’ve been keeping up with you all.

Talk to you soon,



Another Step

I feel like in have deja vu right now.  I’m having some serious anxiety…. Because tonight I am meeting with a therapist for the first time.  I’m a mix of nervous, excited, and terrified.  There are a million things to talk about, one thing being a huge secret I’ve kept from every single person in my life, my husband included.  And I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with it, but it’s so, so important.  

So, once again, please wish me luck, tell me encouraging stories, or just send me good vibes.  

Here we go!  

My kids very rarely get sick.  In 15 months, Apple and Banana have only been sick 3 times.  

We are currently dealing with #4.  And it’s a doozy!

We drove 8 hours north to visit my family on Wednesday last week.  On the way there, B vomited for the first time in her life.  It was terrifying.  She was fine immediately after, and we figured it was car sickness (which has been proven wrong since it didn’t happen again).

We got home on Saturday, and Sunday morning B had a runny nose.  By the afternoon, She was coughing and sneezing.  This morning, A woke up with the runny nose.  By the afternoon, both had moderate fevers, coughing, and sneezing.  And SNOT.  Apple woke up from her nap and was burning up.  She had some awful diarrhea and about an hour after waking up, was barfing.  Just after dinner she was already having diarrhea.

Tylenol, Pedialyte, PediaSure, water, and whatever food they will eat is how we are handling this.  They are sleeping A LOT, and are super snuggly.  We are going to monitor through the night and if there’s no improvement, we will be heading to see the doc!

Side note: hubs and in are both sick as well, which adds another level of fun.  Wouldn’t you know it, Cody actually had me PLACE THE TYLENOL in his mouth for him.  That Man Cold is super serious.  
Send us your get well vibes, please! 

Slightly Less Depressing…


30 pounds, 2.5 ft tall.  Size 24 month/2T clothing for this bubba!  No more puffer, just rescue inhaler, if needed!  She walks, says a few words, eats like a pro.  She’s my snuggle muffin. 


22 lbs, just under 2.5 ft tall.  Size 18 month clothing, but purely due to height.  Also walks, has more words than B.  She hates all food, except crap food, and has been having some hard poops because of this.  Time to up the fibre, again, which is hard to do when your kid hates eating.  She literally bucks and screams when you put her in her high chair.  And half way through eating, she remembers she hates food and starts to scream and attempt at getting out of her chair.  Its so fun.

They had their chicken pox shot and did well.  B didn’t even notice, but Apple cried for a minute.  She calmed down very quickly and no reactions!

the girls are down to one nap a day, and it’s about 2 hours long.  They are so good for their naps!  And bedtime… No tears!  The girls to down at 7pm and they SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT, until at least 7am!  Believe me, I know how lucky I am.

My girls are also still on bottles.  And it’s really because of me….. I don’t want to give up that snuggle time yet.  They drink from sippy cups for all other liquids, but I still give them milk in a bottle.  I know in need to break this habit, but not yet.  You can’t make me!

We are going on an 8 hour drive to visit MY family on Wednesday.  I’m mildly terrified, but excited too.  Once we are back, we are going to try getting the girls to sleep in the same room again.  I’m also mildly terrified about that, too.  

That’s it for me!  Comments to reply to, a new post to start, and I hear a baby waking up.  Wait, make that “toddler”.

I’m also not ready to not refer to them as my babies. 


Fun While It Lasted

I am now officially in the “I’m NOT pregnant” belief camp.

I made it through the cramps.  I believed my uterus was stretching.  I made it though the breast tenderness.  Very typical pregnancy symptom.  Tired, mood swings, this weird feeling of being full and hungry at the same time.  Even a cold sore!  I made it through all of them believing that this was the cycle.

Until gut rot showed up.  I’ve mentioned this before, but this is a period indicator for me.  Granted, I’ve never been pregnant so it’s entirely possible that it could also be a symptom of having a human growing in me, but it’s unlikely.  This burning, bloated feeling most likely means I’m done for this month.

And it’s awful.  I’m so down about it.  I went to Micheal’s (craft store) with Cody and as we were leaving, I told him that I was sure he’d of reconsidered marrying me if he knew I couldn’t have babies.  And then I bawled the entire drive home.

I feel bad for our partners.  They have it worse, in a way.  They’re also waiting during the last two weeks of our cycle(s).  They hope, and wish, and pray just as much as the would-be-baby-carrier does.  And when it crashes and burns to the ground, they have to put their own feelings aside for a bit and comfort us.  Please make sure you acknowledge your partner.  I don’t think I do often enough, and it makes me feel like such an ass.

I don’t officially get to find out if it’s a “yay” or “nay” until Friday.  I still hope for the positive, but I’m definitely prepping for the negative.  Miracles can happen, after all.  They’re just really, really, unlikely.


People, Let Me Tell Ya ‘Bout My Best Friend

A lot of people say that their best friend is their significant other. A lot of people don’t believe that can be true. A lot of people don’t think that having your spouse as your best friend is particularly healthy.

Fuck em.

Cody is my best friend. I do have a female best friend who I’ve known since I was 4 years old. I am close with her – we have matching foot tattoos, for crying out loud! – but Cody and I are more. Obviously, right? Well, it goes beyond the fact that we sleep together and have sex. He really is my best friend.

People rarely see one of us without the other. When they do, there’s always someone asking where the other is. Cody and I spend all of our spare time together. Even in the house, we are not usually even in separate rooms. We watch all of the same TV shows and movies, so “quiet time” is even together. We hold hands all of the time, we have stupid nicknames for each other, and we often get in bed and talk for a while before falling asleep. Even as I write this, it’s sickeningly cute and bordering on unhealthy. But we honestly just like each other. We enjoy spending time together, doing whatever.

In fact, if I didn’t know, I wouldn’t believe that we’ve been together for almost 7 years.

Over these 7 years things have been far from perfect. Our fights are loud and huge. I’ve thrown a thing or two and he’s done his fair share of being mean. But when we analyze what the fight was and what the real reason(s) for getting upset were, they are far from relationship-ending problems. One fight (that went on and on for months) was about Cody’s bachelor party. Fights after that have mostly been about family issues. We just don’t have significant problems in our relationship – and it’s great.

Since the day Cody and I met, he’s been trying to sweep me off my feet. I’m chunky, so literally doing it is difficult.

Cody showed up on our second date with a tent in his car. Why? Because I’d mentioned that I enjoyed camping and he wanted to show me that he wanted to eventually go camping with me.

On a date a little after that, I responded to getting together that weekend with “Plan a vacation!”. I was joking, but sure enough, he did it. I travelled to Toronto that weekend (I was living about 20 minutes outside of Toronto). He met me at the train, took me to dinner and he’d rented a hotel room. In the room, I found a bouquet of pink lillies and a (melting) tub of my favorite ice cream. He confessed that he remembered pink lillies were my favorite, but he didn’t know what they were – so he asked a florist. The next day, we went on a tour around the city and then for a picnic. All because I told him I’d never actually been into Toronto.

For our engagement, Cody snuck a suit out of the house. He went for a haircut that day (he hates getting his hair cut almost as much as I do), somehow got dressed into his suit while in our car, came up to our condo and knocked on the door. When I opened the door, he was on one knee with a bouquet of pink lillies and a ring box with the most beautiful ring. He forgot to actually propose, but I cried anyway.

One year we went dog sledding for my birthday. Last year I got a sewing machine for Christmas. He even sat through a Dixie Chicks concert. He does these great, wonderful things just to make me smile.

And now for the latest surprise – I received a book from Cody yesterday. Actually, it was a travel guide. He actually planned a trip without me knowing. We’re going to Iceland in February! Why? Because I’m turning 30 in February. And he wants to make it my best birthday ever.

I count myself lucky every single day. I only hope Cody knows I love him as much as he loves me.


mine, mine, mine!

Last night’s date night proved to me that infertility will not break my relationship.

Cody loves me more than anyone has ever loved me.  And because he loves me so, I can’t help loving him with the same intensity.

My husband:  lover of rock music; manly man who likes to try things like hiking, snow shoeing, geocaching; man who enjoys wearing novelty shirts; guy who’s favorite movies include “Police Academy”, “Under Seige”, and “Goon”.

This man planned date night.  He planned (and I quote) “Arguably {his} best surprise ever”.  It was totally his best surprise ever.


I love the Dixie Chicks!  I have wanted to see them in concert forever.  My husband got me tickets!!  Not only did he get me tickets, but he actually went to the concert WITH me!

Now, as if that wasn’t already above and beyond, it gets better.  Today, my Cody was patient and loving enough to let me drag him to a psychic fair.  I am shamelessly totally and completely into psychics, tarot cards, the whole shebang. He even attended a lecture!

This man is my world.  We might be struggling though this really huge, really expensive time in our lives. But we’re doing it together.  And though all of that mess, my husband remembered that I love the Dixie Chicks.  And he loves me enough to sit through a 3 hour concert of music that makes his hair stand on end.  FOR ME.  Because he wanted me to be happy.  Just because he wanted me to smile.  He wanted to make a dream of mine come true.  And after all of that, he sat and waited for me to have my palm read, just because I wanted to do that too.

I have so much love for him, and he returns it 10 fold some days.  I know I can make it though any problem, as long as I have Cody.  I’m not saying it will be easy or that we won’t fight and maybe give each other the cold shoulder every now and again… but we will never give up on each other.

And because of all of this, I know we will always find a way to be happy. We may not beat infertility… but infertility damn sure isn’t going to beat us, either.


PS – I still haven’t heard from Auntie F.???

Love Birds (how cliché)

Who wouldn’t want to walk out of work, look at their cell phone, and have a message like this waiting for them?

From Cody:

“Date night tonight!  I have it all planned but please be ready for 6.  I planned a super-surprise.  Arguably my best surprise ever.”

I have no idea what we’re doing, where we’re going, what to wear, etc.  But I’m excited!

Have a good weekend, buddies!