Food runs my life.


I have at least one fight a day with Charlotte over eating.  She just will not eat dinner!  Ever!!  No matter what I do, unless it’s chicken nuggets or grilled cheese, she refuses dinner.  Every night.  Tonight, Cody made delicious hamburgers and corn on the cob.  Charlotte ate a cheese slice.  No, not even “real” cheese.  An actual processed cheese slice.  Then threw a fit until we finally just released her to go and do what she wanted while the three of us ate.  It’s ridiculous.  I vow to turn it around… I have my books, my websites, and my recipes.  I will find a way to win this fight, so help me God!


My father in law is now doing chemo.  He’s had a set back, there seems to be an issue with his bowel now.  They are optimistic that it won’t become serious and he should be able to come home soon.  As with many chemo patients, food is unappealing at the moment and that will only contribute to his digestive issues… so what can Beanie do to help?  Food.  I bought a ridiculously expensive book with freezer meal recipes (along with my own favorite dishes that are good for the freezer!) and I am going to cook, cook, cook.  I will feed my family to keep them healthy and strong.  When my mother in law is too tired to cook, or my sister in laws are just too distracted to make meals, I want them to be able to reach for something homemade.  It makes me feel helpful.  It makes me feel useful.  I love to cook and I love my family – as crazy as they make me – so, I hope these meals will feed their bellies and their souls.


I am a binge eater.  There is no doubting that.  I have a terrible relationship with food.  Maybe one day I will get into it, but not tonight.  Anyway, I am always talking about how I need to be better, do better, eat better.  Better better better.  And then we started talking about having another child.  So, I started to “track ovulation” which is pretty much like trying to find a leprechaun catching a ride on a unicorn.  No period, bad period, random bleeding.  Off to the doctor I went and she decided to send me to an endocrinologist to look at my blood work.  Well, dear old diabetes is yet again totally out of control.  Like, super out of control.  We decided to switch over to insulin again, but a month later and things are still nuts.  I have an A1C that is literally double what it should be and a fasting sugar that is double and a bit.  No matter what I do!  At my appointment yesterday, my doc suggested that it was possible I am not Type 2 diabetic, that it is possible I am Type 1 diabetic and was misdiagnosed.  After reading about LADA, it makes a lot of sense.  And it fits me and my situation.  I was 24 when I was diagnosed and about 40 pounds heavier than I am now.  And since that time (10 friggen years!), I’ve gone from Metformin to adding in Diamicron, Invokana, Glumetza; tried Humalog, Humulin, and Lantus.  I am now currently taking NovoRapid and Levemir, which are bringing the numbers down… but I am also taking over 100 units of insulin a day!!   I go back to the doctor in 2 weeks and will be tested for Type 1 and hopefully we will be on a maintenance plan instead of more adjustments.

All of that said, I carb counted today and my numbers were good-ish.  However… I feel so hungry.  And its possible that it’s my mind just tricking me; it’s possible that I am adjusting; it’s possible that I’m actually hungry.  And most people would say to just have a snack, but WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN.  Everything is different!  I would have an apple with some peanut butter, but my sugars will be fucked.  My body is so super sensitive to eating anything.  No, I don’t always eat the best… but I am not the worst, either!


That was a jumbled mess.  Like my brain these days.  Stay tuned for something more coherent next time!




ps – I am eating the apple.

Just. Eat. It.

Raising my twins has been an amazing journey this far.  Both girls are walking.  One is saying quite a few words, while the other one finds louder, more aggressive ways to get her points across.  There have been more good times than bad; there’s been a lot of tears, cuddles, smiles, laughter.  But let’s be real.  It’s frustrating as all hell sometimes.

For my household, food time is especially trying.  My kids only want to eat fruit and cheerios.  I’m over it, their father is over, and they too, apparently, are over it.  Yesterday I made two lunches and they didn’t fully eat either meal.  It made me cry.  Literally had me in tears.  But that’s another post for another day.

And so, for your amusement and mine, please enjoy the following videos.

Video #1

Video #2

Video #3


Happy eating,



The More You Know…

I need to confess something.

Until recently, I did not know what a prune was.  I knew there was prune juices, I knew you could buy prune puree.  I thought it was just something for old people and babies… I went on the search for “real” prunes, hoping to give my constipated babies some actual prunes.  I could not find them anywhere, so I did some research…

Prunes are plums.


I wrote this in hopes of bringing a bit of humor to someone’s news feed.  I am so done with reading about hate, and crime, and death.  Yes, current issues in today’s world are important and should be talked about.  But I need a break.  I am figuring some others could as well.  So, I hope my stupidity brings a smile to your face today 

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award


What an honor!  No, seriously.  When I started my blog, I never thought there would be one person who’d want to read my bitching.  I was alone, scared, and couldn’t turn to anyone in my “real”, every day life.  I’ve since come to connect with so many women going through infertility struggles, and each and every one of them have helped me to survive this battle in one way or another.  Though I’ve connected with many ladies over the last (almost) 2 years, I definitely look forward to connecting with more!  Maybe via the Mug Exchange?

I’ve been nominated by My Perfect Breakdown and Planting Beans.  Both ladies are truly inspiring to me.  I never, ever, thought I’d experience 1 miscarriage, let alone 3 losses.  Each and every time, I went to MPB for information.  You are an amazingly strong woman!  I wish, hope, pray that everything works out for you.  And I always look forward to your Happy Days posts!  As for Ms. Bean, she has become a special person to me.   Hilarious, sweet, and kind – my perfect combo.  And weirdly enough – we’re all Canadian!  Thank you so, so much to the both of you.  You’re amazing!

I’m going to answer the 10 questions from each nomination.  Why, you ask?  Well, the nominations came on the same day.  And I like to write about myself 😉  Not really, but I’m sick today, Cody is vacuuming (eat your hearts out, ladies), and I promised another post today.

Let’s get this thing started!

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award recognizes the unique voices of women bloggers around the world.

To accept this award, here are the rules:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you, linking back to their site.
  • Put the award logo on your blog.
  • Answer the ten questions they have set you.
  • Make up ten new questions for your nominees to answer. Nominate ten people.


Here are my answers to MPB’s questions:

  1. What is your favourite food?

I love food.  All food.  Right now I’m on a diet, so I want everything!  I don’t know if I could pick just one.  Favorite fast food:  McDonald’s Sausage McGriddle (so bad… I almost hate to even admit that).  Favorite restaurant food:  Amatriciana from East Side Marios.  Favorite Canadian food:  Poutine.  Favorite homemade food:  Hamburgers.  Favorite junk food:  Tie between Cheezies and Sour Cream and Onion chips (with dip!)

2.  Do you live in the same country you were born in?

I do!  Born and raised in the same town, moved to the GTA when I was 22.  Moved east of the GTA last year.

3.  What is your favourite song and band?

I would probably say Dixie Chicks are my favorite band.  I was lucky enough to catch them in concert last year.  My favorite songs change, but a few goodies are “My Girl”, “I’ll Be”, and “Feeling Good”.  Oh… and I pretty much love anything by Eminem.

4.  What type of cell phone do you use?

I just graduated from the Samsung Galaxy Ace II (woah….. old!) to an iPhone.  I’m loving the iPhone!

5.  What is the best book you have read and why?

I don’t know if I have a favorite book.  I love some of the foster stories by Kathy Glass.  “Damaged” was a horrifying, sad story about a young girl who was abused and tortured.  It’s even worse because it’s a true story.  Something more light hearted would be “Something Borrowed” by Emily Giffin, though I’ve re-read all of her books more than once.  I adored “Sleepers” by Lorenzo Carcaterra, and “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett.  Wait – I lied.  My all-time favorite book is “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood” by Rebecca Wells.  Confession:  I’ve never read Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Hunger Games, Twilight, or the Snooki book.

6.  What is your favourite thing to do to raise your spirits?

That’s tough.  I’m a doom-and-gloom kind of person.  I don’t deal well with sadness – I often find myself picking a fight with Cody when I’m sad.  If I had to pick though, I would say it’s a toss up between binging on junk food, doing a craft, or taking a bath.  I love my soaker tub.

7.  Why do you blog?

Blogging is a way for me to vent.  I’m becoming more open about our struggles, but it’s still a taboo topic.  Even with people I know, when I start to talk about one of my miscarriages, or the number of treatments we’ve had, they become very quiet and awkward.  Blogging lets me talk to people who really get it.  And you guys always know just what to say to cheer me up!

8.  Do you like Disney movies?

LOVE.  My favorites are The Emperor’s New Groove, Monsters Inc., Lion King, and The Little Mermaid.

9.  Liquid soap or bar soap?

Depends.  To wash my hands, I like bar soap, although I provide both in my bathrooms.  To wash my body, it’s (obv.) liquid.  Interesting question!

10.  Where would you like to travel and why?

Back to Iceland – I found my life reset button there.  I want to go to Greenland and go dogsledding.  I want to go white water rafting in New Zealand.  I want to visit a “haunted” castle in Scotland (my homeland, I guess).  I want to go to Finland to sauna then roll around in the snow.  As you can see, I’m not really into beach vacays so much as adventures!  I also want to travel throughout the US and Canada.  Which means I have to get pregnant soon so I can actually afford one of these vacations….


Here are my answers to Planting Beans’ questions:

  1. If you won 50 million from the lottery what would you do with your winnings?

QUIT MY JOB.  I’d just pay for IVF and get it over with.  I’d buy my parents the Winnebago they’ve been dreaming about.  I’d move my brother closer to me.  Pay off our house.  Bank some, give some away.  I really don’t know.  I’d have a blast shopping, I’m sure.

2.  What is your favorite movie?

FOOTLOOSE (the original, not the shitty remake), Sleepers, Goon, Role Models, Pitch Perfect, Paranormal Activity 1 – 3, The Conjuring, The Strangers, and I really enjoyed Gone Girl, which I saw yesterday.  Grace – I’m totally going to see Annabelle!!

3.  What’s your claim to fame?

I won a writing award when I was 16?  I don’t know.  I mean, I’m famous in Cody’s family for making a good spinach dip.  I also make some pretty cute Christmas ornaments!

4.  Who is the most influential person in your life?

Hands down, my Dada.  He was (unfortunately) married to a psychopath who literally kidnapped my brother and I, only to put us in foster care.  She drained the joint bank account and spread some pretty nasty lies, which my Dad had to fight to disprove to the Children’s Aid Society.  Through it all, he managed to stay calm and determined and won full custody of my brother and I.  He also had me counting to 100, reciting the ABC’s, and spelling my name in time for Kindergarten – all while holding down a full time job.  He’s the most amazing person I know.

5.  What is your guilty pleasure?

I love made for TV movies.  I LOVE watching Flavor of Love, and I Love Tila Tequila, and all that train wreck reality love crap.  I also love to shake my ass to Just Dance on the Wii.

6.  What is the biggest obstacle do you think you’ve had to overcome and how did you do it?

Moving away from my hometown was really, really hard.  I was leaving my parents, my brothers, my entire family to go and live with my cousin 8 hours away in Oakville.  I cried a lot, but I made it because I was determined to have a better life than I would be able to have in my hometown.  My parents were so supportive, and I met Cody 8 months after moving.

7.  What was your favorite toy growing up?

Barbies.  I also had this keyboard for a while, until it magically ended up broken….. (thank you, Father – I wanted to be a pianist, you know!)

8.  What’s one piece of advice you’d pass along to your grand children?

Be careful about who you sleep with.  Not necessarily because of the risk of conception or STD’s (though they are part of the reason) – but because you need to have self respect.  Anyone will have sex with you, but will they respect you?  Are they worth it?

9.  What is your favorite holiday and why?

Christmas, because I love the get-togethers with family, the food, and the gift-giving.  Next to Christmas, I love to celebrate birthdays.

10.  Who is your celebrity crush?

Kevin Bacon!


My nominations are:

Bruised Banana (good luck on your race!)

Starbucks, Peace, and the Pursuit of a Baby

Waiting for Baby Bird

What To Try When You’re Trying

Waiting Between the Lines

It Is Well With My Soul

Love, Peace, and Infertility

Steph Mignon

City Life/Farm Wife



Should you choose to accept your mission, here are the questions for you to answer:

1.  What is the most stereotypical thing you’ve heard about Canadians?

2.  Do you tell people your chosen baby name(s) or keep them a secret, hoping no one steals it/them?

3.  What chore(s) do you hate the most?

4.  Do you keep a written journal?

5.  What did you want to be when you grew up?

6.  What talent(s) do you have?

7.  What food(s) do you refuse to eat, and why?

8.  Do you believe in ghosts?

9.  Would you rather walk or run?

10.  Do you believe the zombies will ever make an appearance?


It’s a lot of fun reading about everyone!  But I do understand it’s a lot of pressure and takes a while to complete one of these “awards”, so please don’t feel like you HAVE to answer the call.


C’est tout!





Can’t We Just Eat Spaghetti Instead of Spaghetti Squash?

My husband has a love-hate relationship with Pinterest.  He likes to look at the stuff I’m scrolling through, but he hates a lot of the stuff that my friends pin because they’re “skinny” recipes.  I’ll admit – there are times when I’ll open Pinterest knowing his curiosity will get the best of him and I’ll inevitably have a good laugh over his rage.

Case and point:

The recipe:  CROCK-POT Paleo Spaghetti Squash & Meatballs

The reaction:  “Oh yeah, that’s the stuff that’s supposed to taste like spaghetti.  If you have your eyes closed… and you’re tripping on acid.”


…Guess I won’t be making this anytime soon….