11:41AM

I’m touched out.  I’m cranky.  The girls are cranky and clingy.  One has a cold, the other is about to get a cold.  They won’t eat, they won’t drink.  Nothing is good enough.  Put the Wiggles on tv – not good enough, we want Peppa.  Put Peppa on, now we want to destroy the house.

I need a babysitter.

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WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

How can pregnancy announcements still upset me so much?  

A friend of mine callously announced that she is pregnant with twins.  Oooh, look at you, Fertile Franny!  You can do it so easily, but little ole me needed 2 Fucking solid years of fertility treatments.  She even made a comment that the doctor asked her repeatedly if she did treatments.  She even said that there were 3 in there, but I guess only 2 had heartbeats.  She even said “thank god”, which kind of makes her an asshole.

I’m sick of this feeling.  I want 100 more kids, but I probably wont be so lucky.  And I’m so GD grateful for my amazing little princesses, so I feel terrible for even being upset.

I’m sorry I never post anymore.  I promise to do an update soon.
Love to you all

b.

1:15

It’s 1:15am and I am still awake.

My kids are asleep.  The house is quiet.  No none called, or texted, or woke me up.

But I am awake.  

I am putting toys away.  I am organizing my house. I am sweeping and mopping and cleaning the Windows and mirrors.  

I am decorating cupcakes.

Penelope and Charlotte are having their SECOND birthday party tomorrow!!!  How are my little princesses already turning TWO?!  

Slow down, time.  You’ve turned my newborns into infants and now into toddlers.  I’m going to blink and they will be heading to kindergarten, to their driving tests, into university.  

I want my babies to be babies again.  That can’t happen, so I guess I’ll just go with it.  What else can I do?  Oh, except throw another amazing birthday party for them, of course.

June 22.  My favorite day of the year.  

Happy birthday, my loves.  You are the best thing that ever happened to me and Dada.  

Nerv-ited

That’s my new word combo of nervous and excited.  Feel free to use it.

Why am I nervited??

Well….. Penelope, Charlotte, and I are one of the families chosen for the New Dove campaign for new moms.  I don’t know too many details yet, but a photographer is coming to capture our lives for the next two days!  

I’m not supposed to clean up too much (but I did cause my anxiety makes me do it – I did reign it in a lot though), and they don’t expect or want me to dress up or do make up and stuff.  Just a real mom with her babies, doing what I would do on any other day.

I didn’t expect to be chosen.  I entered us in on a whim, told my story of infertility, then loss, then depression after everything should have been “perfect”.  I then told them that my story, sadly, is not that unique. It’s just that no one talks about people like me, and I really think that should change.  

If I get to tell my story and it helps one person to feel like they, too, can share their story and struggles…. Well, then I guess that could be just effing awesome.

When I have more details, I’ll be sure to share them.

Much love, 
beanie

Please. Please, Just Sleep

What.  The.  Shit.

My kids went from being great sleepers to suddenly seeing it as a form of medieval torture.

Banana has always gone right to sleep, in her crib, without fussing since the very beginning.

In March, I finally got a rocking chair to help Apple fall asleep.  Since then, we had made major progress, to the point where she was sleeping thought the night and she was even refusing the rocking before being put down.

I don’t know if it’s cause they are getting over this cold… Or cause we went on vacation… Or cause they’re 16 month old toddlers going through the 18 month sleep regression early.  But this sucks.

Banana cries her little face off when you put her down to sleep.  She is also waking up in the middle of the night to be cuddled and it takes at least a half hour to get her back to bed.  And her ONE nap?  Lasts max 45 minutes

Apple is losing her mind when you try to put her down to sleep.  She wants to be rocked for a minimum of an hour.  Its a total freak out until she just cries herself to sleep, basically.  Thankfully, she’s still sleeping through the night and has a full 2 hour nap.  FOR NOW.

It’s killing me, people.  I am not used to the sleep deprivation anymore.

If this is an early sleep regression, it is said to be the worst one AND it can last about 6 weeks.  SIX WEEKS!  Holy Mary, Mother of God.

Helppppppp meeeeeeee.

 

sleepily yours,

beanie

REPOST:  VIP for IVF & IUI folks: Bravelle Recall

I wonder if this is why I needed 7 cycles?  It why my response to the meds was less than stellar?  

******************

Some may know this already but I just learned today that Bravelle, the drug that is subcutaneously injected to stimulate egg production during infertility treatment, has been recalled in the United States for anyone who took it between March 27, 2014, and October 2015. Per Ferring’s letter that my RE provided a copy of to […]

https://uncomfortablyoptimistic.wordpress.com/2016/02/12/vip-for-ivf-iui-folks-bravelle-recall/

Blog Challenge – Day 28

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I’m sure I could come up with a bunch of examples.

I could tell you about the time I had a trans-vag ultrasound that went horribly wrong.  Or the time I had like 4 people in the room with me while I had an HSG done.  Actually, 2 years worth of fertility treatments give me a lot of examples.

I could also come up with a bunch of examples that happen in every day life because I’m weird and awkward and suck at social situations.

Instead, I will tell you of a time when I was in Grade 9.  It was a time of bad bangs and platform shoes.  My school was doing the Terry Fox Walk and while chatting with a friend, I somehow managed to roll my ankle and fall.  So, you have this entire school walking along a path, I fall, and everyone behind me continues to walk.  No one stopped to help me.  So instead of getting trampled, I attempted to roll out of the way.

During a TERRY FOX WALK.

It was awful.

 

 

Blog Challenge – Day 26

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I don’t think I have a “hidden” talent, but I have one that not every one knows about.  I hand make clay ornaments, figurines, and displays.  I hope to one day have them available in store!

Here’s an example of a few things I’ve made…

I don’t get much time to devote to this hobby anymore… Maybe in the coming years I can get my little nuggets to help me!

 

Do you have a hidden talent?

Blog Challenge – Day 19

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Hands down, my favorite movie is “Footloose”, the original.  I hate the bastardized new version.

I have a few others that I can’t get enough of:  Sleepers, Emporers New Groove, He’s Just Not That Into You (though I hate that homewrecker Scarlett Johansson), Paranormal Activity 1 – 3, Strangers, and Goon, to name a few.

 

What is your favorite movie?  Have you ever HATED a remake of a movie?