Slightly Less Depressing…

Banana:

30 pounds, 2.5 ft tall.  Size 24 month/2T clothing for this bubba!  No more puffer, just rescue inhaler, if needed!  She walks, says a few words, eats like a pro.  She’s my snuggle muffin. 

Apple:

22 lbs, just under 2.5 ft tall.  Size 18 month clothing, but purely due to height.  Also walks, has more words than B.  She hates all food, except crap food, and has been having some hard poops because of this.  Time to up the fibre, again, which is hard to do when your kid hates eating.  She literally bucks and screams when you put her in her high chair.  And half way through eating, she remembers she hates food and starts to scream and attempt at getting out of her chair.  Its so fun.


They had their chicken pox shot and did well.  B didn’t even notice, but Apple cried for a minute.  She calmed down very quickly and no reactions!

the girls are down to one nap a day, and it’s about 2 hours long.  They are so good for their naps!  And bedtime… No tears!  The girls to down at 7pm and they SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT, until at least 7am!  Believe me, I know how lucky I am.

My girls are also still on bottles.  And it’s really because of me….. I don’t want to give up that snuggle time yet.  They drink from sippy cups for all other liquids, but I still give them milk in a bottle.  I know in need to break this habit, but not yet.  You can’t make me!

We are going on an 8 hour drive to visit MY family on Wednesday.  I’m mildly terrified, but excited too.  Once we are back, we are going to try getting the girls to sleep in the same room again.  I’m also mildly terrified about that, too.  


That’s it for me!  Comments to reply to, a new post to start, and I hear a baby waking up.  Wait, make that “toddler”.

I’m also not ready to not refer to them as my babies. 


beanie

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Spent

I am tired…  Physically, mentally, emotionally.  If there is a way to be financially tired, I am sure I’m that too.  

I’ve tried so many things to perk myself up, but it’s not working.  Gym: hate it.  New highlights: hate them.  I’ve given myself “me time”, I’ve tried to initiate “us time” with hubs, “girl time” with my cousin… everything!  And still, I’m a complete mess most of the time.  

I hold it together for my girls.  My husband takes the brunt of my frustrations.  Really, he’s the only one who knows how much I’m struggling.  15 months after having my girls, I’m not convinced it’s postpartum depression.  Maybe just real, true, depression.

Yes, I know I should go to the doctor.  I don’t need to be told that.

This is not what I was intending to write, but maybe it needed to come out.  

Anyway, all I do is cook and clean.  And change diapers, which isn’t horrible.  But I feel a little stir crazy lately, and because it’s not 5 billion degrees anymore, I’m literally antsy to get outside.  So, brilliant beanie decided to pack up the two cutest 15 month old twins the world has ever seen, and took them to the park.  Solo.

I’ve done solo trips before, but the walking aspect adds another level of insanity to deal with.  But we were good, we were the only ones at the park, and we.were.fine.  I sat at the top of a platform while one baby would climb up the 6 stairs to me, I’d carefully send her down the slide while the other made her way up to me.  Over and over and over.

And you know what??  I knew it wasn’t the safest way to do it.  But, being a mom to multiples FORCES you to not do everything perfectly.  In the perfect world, one baby waits patiently to be guided up the steps and hugged while going down the slide with mama.  And the second baby just waits her turn.  IN THE REAL WORLD, you do your fucking best to keep them both happy.  Please explain to me how one goes about rationaling with a 15 month old about waiting their turn.  THEY CANT EVEN SHARE THE LID TO A GODDAMN TUPPERWARE CONTAINER!!!

Anway, it was working.  Then a dad came with his kid, slightly older than my girls, and I couldn’t wait at the platform anymore.  Its super small and doesn’t fit my big ass and a toddler.  So, I helped the girls climb up, and I waited near the slide entrance to hold their hand and help them go down.  But Apple made a move like she was gonna jump off the side of the platform (there are different ways to get up, which means there are open spots for kids to jump to their death, if they are so inclined).  I ran over, helped her to the slide entrance and was getting her to sit and slide when i see Banana climbing those stupid stairs without me.  I told her to wait, but she was so interested in that other kid, that she just went for it.  And she’s good with stairs, but she got to the 4th stair and was excited that the boy was up there waiting for her and….  BOOM.  She fell backwards down the stairs.

Apple was halfway down the slide, I grabbed her and ran to Banana.  She cried for a total of two seconds and I felt horrible.  She has no bumps, no bruises, she is acting fine.  

And still, I am judging myself and feel like the absolute worst mother.  

The dad and kid left about 3 minutes after all of this.  I guess it’s awkward being around someone who doesn’t properly care for their chikd.  IN PUBLIC.  

I feel so defeated.  And awful.  My kid had to comfort ME.  My husband had to deal with my tears again.  

All I wanted to do was go to the park.  Not get judged by another parent.  Not watch my daughter fall off of stairs.  Not walk home in tears.  

I love having twins.  I love these two so friggen much it can literally bring me to tears.  But it is so Fucking hard.  So, so, so hard to be a mom of multiples.  

Imagine having two 15 month olds.  You go grocery shopping, and inevitably, one baby will scream bloody murder because she loves to walk and wants out of the cart.  There is NO easy solution.  So, you let her out and now you try to keep her near you while pushing a cart and buying groceries, while never letting the other one out of your sight.  Or you don’t, and she pulls a fit.  Because she is 15 months old and can’t be reasoned with.  Every one judges your decision, either way.   

Bedtime.  I cannot carry both babies at the same time up the stairs anymore.  And they sleep in separate rooms.  My husband works night shift, so I don’t have help.  So what do I do?  I run Banana upstairs and give her the fastest good night ever while Apple sits in the living room, watching the Wiggles. No tv before 2 years old MY ASS.  There is a gate to keep her in the living room, and we’ve baby proofed, but you just never know what she could get up to.  Its a chance I am forced to take every single day.  

There is more, but I’m tired.  And it’s pointless… You get the picture. 

So, friends, I ask that you offer to help a mom with two or more if it looks like she might need it, be it grocery shopping or at the park.  We just want our kids to play on the stupid slide too, while not having to worry our other baby might fall down the stairs.  

b.

Just Some Stats and Stuff

So, this is going to be a very generic update on life.  I’m exhausted and just want to sleep, but I’ve really been meaning to post for a while.  So I’ll post, with very little creativity, and then I will sleep.  Sound good?  Great.

Banana (Baby A)

  • Little Missy is 14 months old!
  • Not sure of height or weight, but she is definitely healthy!  She’s gotta be about 35lbs, but not gaining overly fast.
  • We had Banana in size 4 diapers and they were very clearly too small.  So, we got around to buying size 5, only to realize about half-way through a box that they were too small!  Every single morning was met with a baby who’d soaked through her pyjamas overnight.  Miss B is now in size 6s and fitting quite well.
  • Miss Missy is wearing 18-24 month clothes, and depending on the make, the 24 month is a little tight.  For fun, I put her in a 4T outfit, and lets just say I was expecting it to be a lot bigger than it was!
  • Banana recently started to walk.  She’s still a little wobbly, but getting better every day!
  • SHE FINALLY SAID MAMA.  Praise Jesus.  I thought it was never going to happen!  My girlie doesn’t talk a lot, but she’s said “Dada”, “kitty cat”, “what’s that”, “happy birthday”, and “gamma”.  BUT NO “MAMA”.  My theory is that I was never away from her for long so she’s never had to ask for me.  But now she says it and I don’t even care that it’s only when she’s upset.
  • Banana Bear has 9 teeth.  One molar is starting to pop out and man, oh, man is this kid not happy about it.
  • B has always been my good sleeper and she continues to be.  We get 12 hours of sleep a night.
  • B is also still a good eater, doesn’t seem to not like too much.  Although, she has days where she just doesn’t want to try something because of the look of it.  She’s not a fan of citrus and ended up gagging something awful when I let her taste my key lime frozen yogurt.  Not gonna lie, it was hilarious.
  • Banana had her allergy test this week.  Verdict:  no allergy to cat or dust mites!  And a bonus piece of good news:  she is no more likely to develop a bee allergy even though hubs is allergic.  Also, watching hubs get lectured about carrying an EpiPen was fun.  So, we are seeing the pediatrician in a couple of weeks and should be talking about why Miss B seems to have asthma.  Hopefully we can get her off the puffers!

 

Apple (Baby B)

  • My little Apple Pie is also 14 months… cause, well, they’re twins.
  • She is my tall and skinny baby.  Her frame is much smaller than her sister, but they are the same height.  Apple was 22lbs the last time she was weighed and I would be surprised if she is much more than that.
  • Apple was moved up to size 4 diapers since the 3s ran out and B was needing to move up.  I would be confident to put Apple back to size 3 though.
  • A is wearing 12-18 month clothing and it fits well.  12 month is good for the overall fit, but too short in the length.
  • Apple is still a big pain in the butt for food.  I just… ugh, she is probably going to be like this forever.  Just accept her as she is, beanie.  I can’t tell you how much food we’ve had to pick up off the floor because of this nugget.
  • Apple has been speaking a little more than her sister.  Pretty much the same words, but more often than B.  For some reason, neither of my girls will answer “A/B, what’s this?”  Instead, if you ask them to find a particular object or person, they will point it out to you.  They are not talkers, but the world could use more quiet people.
  • Apple.  My good lord, this kid is a tooth-growing machine.  16, people.  She’s got 16 freaking teeth.  AND the final molars are making their way out already.  You’d think she’d eat more given that her mouth is full of teeth.  But nope!
  • Sleep has always been an issue with this nugget.  BUT NOT ANYMORE!  We have an Apple Pie who sleeps through the night!!!  THANK. YOU. JESUS.
  • Apple is walking.  Correction:  Apple is running.  And you know what she likes to do when she’s running?  Running to Mama to get hugs.  It is my favorite thing.  Seriously, it’s just amazing to watch her smile and she runs to me with her arms out for a hug.  I can’t get enough of it.
  • Apple has not bitten anyone in about a month!  YAY!

 

Together:

  • We have moved from two naps down to one.  It’s still early days, so it’s not that easy.  Right now the day sort of looks like this:
    • 730AM – wake up
    • 8AM – breakfast
    • 930/10AM – milk and a snack with some Wiggles
    • 1130AM – lunch
    • 1230PM – milk and then nap
    • 2-3PM – wake up and snack
    • 4:30/5PM – dinner
    • 630PM – milk and bed time
  • The girls are still taking bottles, though they have switched over to homogenized milk (3.25% milk).  I am going to try to switch from bottle to sippy cups when they have milk with a snack/before a nap and keep the night-time milk in a bottle for now.  I know a lot of people have switched by now, but I have to tell you, I’M not ready.  I love the time to snuggle with them while they drink.
  • Once we are securely into the one nap schedule, we are going to….. move the girls back in together!
  • Generally, the girls like each other,  But there is still a lot of jealousy and fighting.

 

Mama

  • Well, I’m alright.  I guess.  I have some great days, but there’s been quite a few dark ones too.  I sometimes think I should speak with my doctor about it, but I have yet to do that.
  • I need more friends.
  • I am still going to the gym!  I’m well below my pre-pregnancy weight now 🙂  Still a ways to go, but getting there!
  • I am getting my hair done.  I can’t wait.  Seriously, after the girls were born, I lost SO MUCH hair and it’s still not back to normal.  So, I’ve contacted a woman who does hair out of her home, and we’re going to update my look.  I am so excited!
  • Dentist.  God help me, I hate going to the dentist.  I don’t know if you remember THIS post, but ughhhhh.  I went in due to tooth pain, and wouldn’t you know it…. cavities.  I’ve gone twice in the last two days (for cleaning), I am getting the cavities on my right side filled next Friday, then have some work to do on the left side (my fillings are loose or something), THEN in the new year, I must have my previous root canal-ed tooth fixed.  This is not helping my anxiety level.

 

Marriage

  • I totally can see how/why/how fast a marriage can deteriorate after having kids.  I don’t know if Cody and I will break up or last or whatever, but it is certainly no fun trying to wait and see what happens.  Counselling is just not going to happen.  Cody likes to promise me anything and everything just to move on from a fight, but has very little follow through.  So, as often as we’ve talked about counselling and agreed that we should look into it, I just know it won’t happen.  I do love Cody, and we are currently in a “good patch”, but I don’t know how entirely happy I am.  Maybe I’m just tired… maybe I’m dealing with some depression… maybe I have given up all of my patience to my children.  I don’t know.  All I can say is that I always feel like he is one sassy remark away from me throwing him out of the house.  That being said, we are one month away from celebrating 6 years of marriage together.

 

I hope to update you all once we see the pediatrician in a couple of weeks!

 

 

sending you all hugs from my tiny corner in Canada,

 

beanie