December 30th

Two years ago today, I sat in my local emergency room. I explained that I was pregnant and had started bleeding bright red blood. I was given a private room while I waited for a doctor. Blood work, a traumatizing ultrasound, and a few hours later and it was confirmed: I was miscarrying my first baby. 

This time last year, I was pregnant again, but slightly further along. Because of fertility treatments, baby brain, and Christmas, I had forgotten to pay my cell phone bill and was fightin with the company to not suspend service. After, I went to work and I prayed all day that I wouldn’t experience the same thing as the year before. Thankfully, I didn’t. 

I have two beautiful daughters now. I love them more than anything, ever. But I still remember my Bumble. I know the day I found I was pregnant with him, the day we told people about him, the day he was due, and the day I lost him. 

December 30th is an awful day for me. I have anxiety every time it rolls around. Cody and I no longer celebrate New Year’s Eve… We just go to bed. 

This year will be no different. 

16 thoughts on “December 30th

  1. So hard! Sending love and good energy. We will be in bed early too that night as we have an early flight out the next day. We would have been in bed early regardless. We don’t really do midnight anymore.

    1. It is. I am always surprised at how vivid the memory of Bumbles miscarriage is. And that it can still make me so incredibly sad when I have my two chickens. Such a weird feeling.

      Safe travels, my friend!

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