Two years ago today, I sat in my local emergency room. I explained that I was pregnant and had started bleeding bright red blood. I was given a private room while I waited for a doctor. Blood work, a traumatizing ultrasound, and a few hours later and it was confirmed: I was miscarrying my first baby.
This time last year, I was pregnant again, but slightly further along. Because of fertility treatments, baby brain, and Christmas, I had forgotten to pay my cell phone bill and was fightin with the company to not suspend service. After, I went to work and I prayed all day that I wouldn’t experience the same thing as the year before. Thankfully, I didn’t.
I have two beautiful daughters now. I love them more than anything, ever. But I still remember my Bumble. I know the day I found I was pregnant with him, the day we told people about him, the day he was due, and the day I lost him.
December 30th is an awful day for me. I have anxiety every time it rolls around. Cody and I no longer celebrate New Year’s Eve… We just go to bed.
This year will be no different.