December 30th

Two years ago today, I sat in my local emergency room. I explained that I was pregnant and had started bleeding bright red blood. I was given a private room while I waited for a doctor. Blood work, a traumatizing ultrasound, and a few hours later and it was confirmed: I was miscarrying my first baby. 

This time last year, I was pregnant again, but slightly further along. Because of fertility treatments, baby brain, and Christmas, I had forgotten to pay my cell phone bill and was fightin with the company to not suspend service. After, I went to work and I prayed all day that I wouldn’t experience the same thing as the year before. Thankfully, I didn’t. 

I have two beautiful daughters now. I love them more than anything, ever. But I still remember my Bumble. I know the day I found I was pregnant with him, the day we told people about him, the day he was due, and the day I lost him. 

December 30th is an awful day for me. I have anxiety every time it rolls around. Cody and I no longer celebrate New Year’s Eve… We just go to bed. 

This year will be no different. 

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Blog Challenge – Day 30

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I have very basic hopes for my blog. I hope that it can be support to someone going through similar issues. I hope it can be a comic relief to others.  I don’t think I’ll be getting a book or movie deal from it.

Mostly, this blog is just my outlet.  I hope to one day be able to share it with my children so they can read all about what it was like to be pregnant with them, what they were like when they were infants.

But in case I do get that movie deal, I’m hoping for Jennifer Aniston to play my part.

 

Who would play you in your life movie?

Blog Challenge – Day 28

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I’m sure I could come up with a bunch of examples.

I could tell you about the time I had a trans-vag ultrasound that went horribly wrong.  Or the time I had like 4 people in the room with me while I had an HSG done.  Actually, 2 years worth of fertility treatments give me a lot of examples.

I could also come up with a bunch of examples that happen in every day life because I’m weird and awkward and suck at social situations.

Instead, I will tell you of a time when I was in Grade 9.  It was a time of bad bangs and platform shoes.  My school was doing the Terry Fox Walk and while chatting with a friend, I somehow managed to roll my ankle and fall.  So, you have this entire school walking along a path, I fall, and everyone behind me continues to walk.  No one stopped to help me.  So instead of getting trampled, I attempted to roll out of the way.

During a TERRY FOX WALK.

It was awful.

 

 

Blog Challenge – Day 27

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My closet is full of clothes.  Mostly clothes I don’t wear, to be honest.  Why?  Well, I love to buy clothes and then I usually either hate them once I get home or I just stick to my core favorite outfits anyway.

In addition to clothes, I also have important documents, my wedding momento box, and a laundry hamper in there.

 

Do you buy clothes and never end up wearing them?

Blog Challenge – Day 26

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I don’t think I have a “hidden” talent, but I have one that not every one knows about.  I hand make clay ornaments, figurines, and displays.  I hope to one day have them available in store!

Here’s an example of a few things I’ve made…

I don’t get much time to devote to this hobby anymore… Maybe in the coming years I can get my little nuggets to help me!

 

Do you have a hidden talent?

Blog Challenge – Day 23

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If I won the lottery, I’d buy a new home.  I love the one I have, but I’d definitely prefer to live in a more isolated area.  I’d also get us the minivan we’re going to require.  I’d set up a college/vacation fund for the girls*.  Maybe buy my parents a home…. Then I’d get frivolous!  I’d go on a Baltic trip, go to Alaska as well.  I’d buy a cottage and get a couple of snow machines and 4 wheelers.  And the clothes…. oh the clothes!!

It would all be spent.

What would you do with lottery winnings?

*We have plans to put money away for the girls once they turn a year old.  With this money, Cody and I are going to give them the option of using it to go to school or going on a trip of a lifetime…  We still plan to try and force the girls into post-secondary education, but instead of having money to pay for their school, they’d need a student loan, should they decide that they could benefit from travelling to, say, New Zealand.

F*** This S***

 Honest to God, if I ever have another kid, I won’t even attempt at breastfeeding/pumping. 

I FINALLY got the 80oz I wanted to freeze. I JUST got down to two pumping sessions a day. Yesterday, I happily returned my hospital grade rental. 

Today, I had a doctor confirm what I’ve been trying to avoid for 6 months: mastitis. 

So to sum up my breastfeeding experience: low supply, followed by meds that caused engorgement, latch issues cause my babes didn’t get to start breastfeeding until they were 2-3 weeks old, pumping problems that ended in me renting a hospital grade pump, blocked ducts, milk blisters, and finally – mastitis. 

The doctor told me that bed rest would help, take these super antibiotics, and pump every 2-3 hours. 

1. How does one get their 6 month olds to cooperate with bed rest?

2. Ok, antibiotics make sense. 

3.  Won’t pumping every 2-3 hours increase my milk production?  Won’t this set me back to square one for weaning?  I didn’t have time to pump every 2-3 hours BEFORE, how can I manage that now?  Also, I understand emptying the breast will help clear the infection… But I have a blocked duct that won’t open, therefore I cannot empty that breast, so…?

I’ve tried warm compresses, hot showers, hot water + Epsom salt soak, trying to get the blister to open with a soak + compress + wiping gently with a cloth. I can’t poke it because I don’t want to add to the infection. NOTHING IS WORKING.

Seriously, I’m so over this. Plus, I feel like crap cause I have a wicked fever and my boob is on fire. My kids hate me and continuously seem to head butt my right in the tit. 

I’m done. 

Blog Challenge – Day 22

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I have a lot of bad habits….

  • I eat too much fast food/junk
  • I never close the cap on my contact solution
  • I leave my hair elastics and bobby pins EVERYWHERE
  • I never put the broom away… In fact, I often sweep things into a pile and forget to actually sweep it into the dustpan and throw it away
  • I always forget to put the jam/ketchup/ranch/other condiment back into the fridge until a couple of hours later
  • I say “f*ck” a lot.  Like, too much

What are your worst habits?

Blog Challenge – Day 21

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Boo, this is a downer.

Things that make me sad:

  • infertility/miscarriage.  I’ve been through it, know people who have been through it.  It sucks.
  • fighting with Cody.  We are so mean to each other some days.
  • watching my babies suffer with colds, getting needles, etc.  Anything that makes them cry real tears kills me.
  • missing my family (they live 8 hours north of me and I don’t get to see them often)
  • and to lighten this up a bit: I get sad when a new nail polish chips right away