Mama Knows

Like I predicted, my husband is about to become a daddy today! Actually, probably tomorrow.

We came to the hospital, expecting to be sent home.  Instead, within about 20 minutes I was being admitted!

Epidural is in, I’m dilated a bit, water is broken, oxytocin started… now I’m gonna try to sleep. 

More updates to follow ūüôā

Still Pregnant!

I am still at home, babies are still staying put, which I am totally fine with. They seem to be quite happy where they are, and have been kicking Mama non-stop!

Yesterday, I was feeling pretty good. I was tired, but I caught up on a lot of sleep. Cody stayed home with me and rubbed my back, got snacks, listened to be whining – he was basically the perfect husband. He wanted to be home in case we needed to head back to the hospital. 

I told this man to go to work today, I would be fine. I woke up at 3am and eventually went for a bath.  When Cody got up for work at 5am, I was still in the bath. He helped me out, tucked me in, and kissed me goodbye. I woke up at 10am and had zero energy. I had no desire to eat. I stayed in my bed for most of the day, binge watching Orange is the New Black*.  Toby and Asi stayed with me the whole day. I did have enough motivation to shower – except that it was mostly for a nesting-type of purpose….  I felt compelled to shower cause I NEEDED to shave my legs. I also wanted my hair washed and my contacts in just on the off chance we were heading to Sunnybrook. Anyway, I napped for about 45 minutes until Cody called me to say that he was on his way home – and it was then that I realized how cranky I was. Long story short, Cody came home with supper (after I angrily shouted at him that I didn’t want his “25 f-ing cent f-ing ramen noodles” for dinner), and we had ANOTHER long ass “talk” about my anxieties around breast feeding and hospital visits. That’s another story, for another day, though. 

I am now in the bath tub** again, and the back ache is starting up once more. I had some twinges here and there today in my uterus, and my back has been a little sore all day – but what can you expect when you lay in bed the entire day?  What’s going on now is the same as what happened on Tuesday. 

I said it a while ago, but I think Cody will be holding his daughters in time for Father’s Day. In fact, I am thinking tomorrow or Saturday is going to be THE DAY. 

Figures I’d deal with labor pains for almost a week!

More updates to follow!

* I actually have decided that I don’t like OITNB that much. I HATE Piper, and yet I will continue to watch the show cause I need closure. 

** my water bill is going to be disgustingly high. 

Update N√ļmero Dos

Within the week.

I am told that I’m 1 cm dilated, cervix is still long, but these are contractions!  The doctor said that I could be heading back tonight, but likely sometime within the week. He doesn’t think I’ll be making my next ultrasound appointment on Tuesday. 

Babies are adorable. Banana will be first out, and she’s weighing just over 6 pounds!  Apple showed us her very healthy, very chubby cheeks and she is weighing about 5.5 pounds. Because we are over 35 weeks and the babies are such a good size, the doctor didn’t think I needed the shot to mature their lungs. They might need a “little extra attention”, but we’ve passed the hurdles!

Not going to lie – I’m terrified. And in so much pain. I have no clue when they are coming, and apparently I’m not a fan of surprises. I’m supposed to go back if the contractions are regular for an hour and/or when they become stronger. And the topper is that there isn’t anything to do for the pain, I have to just deal with it for now.  1 cm dilated doesn’t get me admitted to the hospital and on the drugs, no matter how much I want it. It could be a few hours, or a few days, or a couple weeks. The only other instructions I was given was to pack my hospital bags and keep my husband close.  

If the pain doesn’t keep me awake, the fear will!
UPDATE:  we’ve been home for 5ish hours and I’ve lost my mucous plug!  

Update N√ļmero Uno

Well, it is now 9am EST. I got out of the tub at 3am, and though he didn’t check on me, my husband was awake and waiting for me to call out to him if I needed it. I laid in bed and after shoving a pillow under my back, under my bump, and between the knees, I managed to sleep for a half hour. I moseyed on off to the guest room, and my husband came with me. I started to cry because I was so frustrated, so tired, and in so much pain. I cried because he WAS able to sleep. And I cried because he just didn’t know how this felt and he wasn’t being sensitive (I really just wanted a back rub).  He brought all of my pillows into the guest room, he turned on a fan, he rubbed my back, and when he thought I was sleeping (or at least calmed down), he left. I slept for maaaaaybe an hour and now I’m awake, back in the tub, and 90% convinced this is back labor. 

I have my contraction counter waiting, but this doesn’t come in a measurable wave. It’s kind of just constant with moments of worse pain. 

Both fruits are very active. 

I have a doctors appointment today at 1, but I might head to the hospital sooner. 

Also, if this IS back labor, I’d like to point out two things. 1- it fucking sucks and hurts in a way that reminds me of my worst periods**.  2- I’ve been dealing with this medication free for over 6 hours. Granted, not overly well, but like a champ in my eyes. 

I’ll continue to let you guys know what happens. Maybe I’m having a couple of babies today!  35 weeks on the nose.   

I will try to reply to you comments ūüôā

* if this is NOT back labor, I don’t even want to imagine what could be more intense!  


It’s 2am EST.  I am awake and in my bath tub. Though I am one step beyond tired, I can’t sleep. In the 3 hours that I was in bed, I got up to pee the same number of times. My ankles and feet are twice their normal size and my fingers are swollen as well. I am having a lot of back pain, and the only position I am comfortable in is sitting up, but I can’t sleep like that. Oh, and I have heart burn/acid reflux/gut rot. My husband woke up long enough to get me some Tums and is now happily back asleep. Wait – he did say he was going to check on me in an hour so I “don’t fall asleep in the tub”.  

Not gonna lie, but a night like this has me wondering how safe it is to have these babies born at 35 weeks**.

Friends, I try really hard not to complain. Don’t get me wrong, my rolling and kicking fruits are safe and comfy right where they are, and I am SO HAPPY to keep them there for the next 2 weeks. 

But I’m sleepy. And when I’m sleepy, I get crabby. 

Hmm…  Sounds like hourly feedings should be a fun time. 


** I DO NOT want to have the babies yet. I’m not even going to go as far to say I want my body back. I’ve embraced every.single.unpleasant.symptom with open arms, but it seems a little harder to deal with 18 at once and at 2am. Forgive me – please know I am not wishing this to be over or complaining because I’m mildly inconvenienced. 

Ugh. I might not even post this. 

A Half Plan

Yesterday, at 34+1, I got to lay down on a gurney and watch my little babies on screen again.  It NEVER gets old.  However, having ultrasounds done is a little difficult now.  Laying on my back and having my belly pushed on is making me really sick to my stomach. 

Side note:  I was holding an ultrasound photo in the waiting room one day (waiting to see my doctor), and this woman looked over to me and loudly said to her partner “I don’t regret not getting the picture.  No one even cares about the picture once the baby is here.”  I wanted to tell her off and say that I was going to always get the pictures, I was going to save them and cherish them – because I fought for years to conceive these babies and I WANT their pictures.  I would have loved to follow up my bitch out with a slap to her face.  But she was pregnant and I am more bark than bite.

Anyway, the ultrasound tech was just checking blood flow, movement, and heart rates.  Once again, both babes passed with an 8/8!  While the tech was watching the babies, she started to laugh.  She said that both babies were very active and cute.  She was playing tag with my Banana Bear (who hates ultrasounds) in an attempt to get us a picture.  We got a face shot of each little princess, which was nice.  Apple showed me her chubby belly, which I adored!  And to top it off – I got to watch my Banana Bear sucking on her fingers.  It was the most adorable thing.

After, I saw my doctors nurse, who explained how my induction will work.  Basically, my doctor will schedule me to be induced at 37 weeks, during a day when he is on call.  I will get a call on the morning of the induction from the nurses, letting me know what time to come in.  Once induced, I will sit back in the room and let it happen!  I was worried that they’d send me home to wait it out, but they don’t do that at my hospital, especially since I’m diabetic, having twins, and they need to watch everything.  I am also lucky that I’m havin two, as this bumps me up on the list for a private room. We still have to pay, but we’d be put in a private room over a singleton birth, which is nice – but makes me feel a teeny tiny bit guilty. 

I also got the great news that I will NOT be getting internal exams!  The days of the trans-vag ultrasound are GONE!  Basically, it makes no difference to my doctor is I’m dilated or effaced, as nature will just run it’s course (though we do know I’m at least 50% effaced already). If i do end up needing to be induced, I will get the pelvic exam, otherwise, my vagina remains private! Until delivery day when 10 new people get to know me a little more intimately. 

I can say though, that the end is getting close. I can barely walk, I’m super tired, I feel like crap the instant I wake up. We have a few people “betting” on when I go into labor. My husband thinks I’ll be induced, but I think I’m having a couple of kids on Father’s Day. 

Also, summer hasn’t even hit in my part of Ontario. It’s getting warmer, but it’s still not SUMMER. Do you think I can find a freaking baby bonnet?  Honestly, it’s ridiculous. I just want to protect my babies heads with a little sun hat, but they’re all sold out!  It’s insane. 

Ok. I’m outta here for today!  I have some cleaning to do (I’m hosting my last party before the babies arrive) and this face needs some cuddles and kisses

Have a good weekend!

Lather – Rinse – Repeat

Trimester One:

  • Fatigue
    • I was in bed at about 9 – 9:30PM every night. ¬†Not only was I sleeping earlier, but I would take naps as well. ¬†My lack of energy also caused me to not care about my appearance, so showering was not an every day requirement for me.
  • Nausea
    • I could not brush my teeth without gagging! ¬†Eventually, my gagging episodes turned into full vomit-fests around week 7 until week 14.
  • Anxious
    • I was worried about everything. ¬†Would I make it to my next beta? ¬†Would there be a heart beat on the screen? ¬†Would I make it past the point of when I miscarried Bumble (* weeks along)? ¬†Would I make it past the day I miscarried Bumble (December 30th)? ¬†Would I make it to the second trimester?
  • Breast Tenderness
    • I bought the Lanolin cream with hopes that my breasts would get a little bit of a break from the lighting-type pains I was getting. ¬†Nope.
  • Bloating/Gas
    • My pants started to get tight around 8 weeks. ¬†I also found out that Gas-X was going to be a good friend of mine around this time as well.
  • Heartburn
    • I’ve never had heartburn in my life. ¬†But let me tell you, I knew IMMEDIATELY what it felt like as soon as it started to hit me! ¬†NOT FUN.
  • ACNE
    • I’d never had acne until getting pregnant. ¬†It started out with a couple of spots, turning into my cheeks being covered with red dots. ¬†This is probably the worst symptom I had because it hit my self esteem pretty bad – especially when my boss felt it necessary to point it out constantly.
  • Hormonal to a new level
    • With the anxiety came the tears. ¬†I yelled at my husband a lot too. ¬†Most importantly though, I was happy.

Trimester Two:

  • Anxiety, but less than first trimester
    • I still worried about reaching milestones, but with having the best doctor at my hospital, who runs both the clinic for multiple births AND is the head of the research department, I felt in good hands. ¬†Plus, I got to see my babes every two weeks starting at 14 weeks. ¬†That being said, I was at Labor and Delivery twice during the second trimester, thankfully there was nothing wrong.
  • Increased appetite
    • Hello, cravings! ¬†Such a cliche, but I always wanted pickles. ¬†Actually, I wanted food in general! ¬†Occasionally, I would crave weird things like mashed potatoes from a specific restaurant. ¬†I ate a lot and gained about 25+ pounds in the second trimester.
  • Increased energy
    • I was able to host parties! ¬†I could stay up past 10PM! ¬†I was able to go to work, clean the house, and cook dinner at night! ¬†I woke up, showered and put makeup on too (most days).
  • ACNE
    • Acne was still present, but started to get a little better. ¬†I increased my water intake and started to use a better scrub on my face.
  • Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction
    • This one was hard. ¬†Started around 22 weeks along, but it wasn’t what I would describe as gradual. ¬†Having an increase in energy meant that I wanted to clean and run around all day. ¬†However, after vacuuming or sweeping, I’d be in pain by the end of the night and it would last for at least a full day afterward.
  • Movement ūüôā
    • My little princesses started to move quite early, however could be felt from the outside by week 22.
  • Braxton Hicks
    • More weird than anything. ¬†I really thought it was the babies moving in a weird way until my doctor told me otherwise.
  • Hormonal
    • Poor Cody. ¬†There were a lot of times when I was completely miserable. ¬†Some of this might have had to do with hormones… some of it might have been because of anxiety building… some of it might have been because I was home alone 5 days a week for 12 hours at a time… some of it might have been my husband’s obliviousness. ¬†Either way, he got the brunt of my outbursts, and for this I am sorry.

Trimester Three:

  • Fatigue
    • I am usually in bed by about 10PM, however, I wake up quite late and often feel the need to nap throughout the day. ¬†I never sleep through the entire night anymore. ¬†I simply cannot roll over to my other side – I have to “sit up” (which is a roll/sit up hybrid), take a breath, move my wedge, my body pillow, and head pillow into the right position, and then lay back down. ¬†It will be then that I notice I need to pee.
  • Nausea
    • Brushing my teeth is causing some nausea again. ¬†My morning prenatal vitamin makes me sick to my stomach. ¬†If I don’t eat every couple of hours, I get nauseous and sweaty. ¬†Thankfully, I haven’t progressed into puking (yet).
  • Appetite
    • I want to eat. ¬†Like, I really want to be eating all the time, but my belly cannot handle it. ¬†I also am getting some of those weird one off cravings like mashed potatoes. ¬†My dad finds that funny since I could not stomach mashed potatoes my entire life, but here I am, pregnant and wanting them. ¬†So weird.
  • Anxious
    • It doesn’t seem to be as bad as the first trimester, but it’s gotten a little worse from the second trimester. ¬†I am no longer worried about the weights of my babies (they’re both 5 pounders now), but I worry about still birth, I worry about them needing to be in the NICU. ¬†I worry about parenting them.
  • Breast Tenderness
    • They just hurt.
  • Bloating/Gas
    • Not only am I large and in charge, but I manage to be bloated as well. ¬†If I eat too much by accident, I will feel so bloated! ¬†I easily end up with indigestion, and Gas-X is a pal of mine once again.
  • ACNE
    • Water and the new scrub aren’t working. ¬†Apparently the clearing in the second trimester was a fluke. ¬†I’m back to having full blown acne over both cheeks and my forehead.
  • Hormonal
    • I get annoyed very easily. ¬†However, I am happy most of the time and excited to meet my fruits.
  • Braxton Hicks
    • These are happening more frequently. ¬†Again, not painful, but kind of annoying.
  • Movement ūüôā
    • They don’t stop. ¬†Seriously, there is always one of them going, and I love it. ¬†It can be uncomfortable, but I like it and I hope I don’t forget the feeling.
  • Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction
    • This has continued. ¬†No worse, no better. ¬†I hope it goes away quickly!
  • Carpal Tunnel
    • This has been going on since about 28-30 weeks. ¬†I didn’t think it was CTS, because I’m not experiencing tingling or numbing. ¬†Rather, my joints are aching in my hands and doing simple things like opening a bottle, doing dishes, pulling my duvet over me, or turning a door handle will cause my hands to hurt. ¬†My doctor told me that it is CTS, it’s common, and it should go away after delivery.
  • Peeing
    • I am not even kidding you – I pee 6 times a night. ¬†There is nothing more annoying than waking up with the urgency to pee, somehow making it out of bed and to the toilet, only to “tinkle” about 5 drops.

After looking at my symptoms from the last 34 weeks, I’ve noticed that the first and third trimester really mirror each other! ¬†Of course, the third trimester is a little more extreme and some new things have popped up, but in general,¬†they’ve been so similar! ¬†Hence, “lather, rinse, repeat”.

Be well,


When Will I Learn

I just wrote this long post about all of the plans I’d made regarding pregnancy. ¬†Sure enough, I close the tab by accident, which searching for a link, and OF COURSE WordPress didn’t save it as a draft! ¬†WHY, WORDPRESS??? ¬†WHY!!??

Ok, so I am going to make an attempt to duplicate that post.

When I got pregnant…. heck, before I got pregnant, dealt with infertility, got pregnant and miscarried three times, and then got pregnant with my two princesses, I had BIG PLANS. ¬†Some fell through, some were altered, some have been completed.

Originally, I wanted a penguin-themed baby nursery. ¬†This was mainly because babies see black, white, and red the best in the beginning, but I mean – penguins are adorable. ¬†We couldn’t find nice penguin decals, so we opted for lambs… why? ¬†Well, one is the whole “counting sheep/cow jumping over the moon” thing. ¬†My delusion is that they babies will sleep if they can count sheep? ¬†The second reason is that 2015 is the year of the sheep. ¬†The room is a very nice green, coupled with some offensively pink curtains and a metallic purple changing table. ¬†It sounds horrid, but it goes together so well! ¬†As you may or may not know, up until recently, it was as if every person in my life was telling me that the nursery should look like this, or that. ¬†Since then, people have come to realize that these babies are OURS, this house is OURS, so we get to decorate how we want to. ¬†We are putting one crib in our room for the first while, and both babies will be sleeping there together. ¬†I don’t PLAN on having them sleep in our bed, but I am aware that there will come a time when that is the only way to soothe them. ¬†I just really will work my hardest to not have it become a habit for them.

I always wanted to cloth diaper my babies. ¬†However, this is for 100% selfish reasons: ¬†I want them to potty train sooner. ¬†I don’t know enough about the environment issues (I mean, yes, diapers are not in landfills, but at the same time, you’re doing more laundry, so you’re using more water and electricity…. might just end up being even…) ¬†The cost to cloth diaper twins is ridiculous! ¬†I mean, “poop rags” (as my husband so lovingly refers to them) are expensive either way, but cloth would save us nothing, in fact, it would be a huge investment up front. ¬†While at a baby show, we found a diaper service that was actually affordable! ¬†For less than $35/week, we get unlimited cloth diapers delivered to us AND we don’t have to wash them. ¬†We also found a bunch of diaper covers that were about $7/ea, which was a nice savings as well.

I knew that there were going to be voluntary and involuntary lifestyle changes that needed to happen. ¬†One of those was revolving around food. ¬†I love to eat. ¬†I eat McDonalds, I eat from food trucks, I eat at sit-down restaurants. ¬†I LOVE FOOD. I especially love food that I don’t have to make myself. ¬†My husband, bless his heart, tries to be helpful. ¬†However, sometimes it would just be easier to cook the meals myself than to deal with mess he makes after cooking something complex like hamburger helper. ¬†I am fully aware that I am not going to have the luxury to just go out and eat at a restaurant with Cody whenever I want. ¬†We simply will not have the time or disposable income. ¬†I am also fully aware that I will not have the time to cook an elaborate meal every day. ¬†What I’ve done, instead, is to create meals that can be thawed, reheated, and eaten. ¬†I have 6 in the freezer so far (pasta sauces, stuffed pasta shells, and meatballs). ¬†I plan to add more by just making extra of what I’m cooking (when applicable – like cabbage rolls, or lasagna) and freezing the leftovers. ¬†I am also in the process of finishing up about 12 different frozen crock pot meals, which involved a lot of research (did you know you can’t just freeze potatoes?), time, and effort. ¬†I literally just chopped over a pound of carrots for this project. ¬†In the end, you have a ziplock full of veggies, meat and sauce and when you want to eat it, you just pull it out of the freezer, into the slow cooker for 7 hours, and voila! ¬†Homemade food.

In our parenting class, we learned about baby wearing. ¬†I originally didn’t think I was going to do much of this since there are two babies to “wear”, but I changed my mind. ¬†After seeing one of the dads put on a Moby wrap, I decided that I wanted to give it a shot. ¬†These things are EXPENSIVE. ¬†I’m coming across pretty “frugal” here, but honestly – I refuse to pay $80/ea for fabric. ¬†And we need two! ¬†I looked at Kijiji, but there was only one for sale and a couple of other types I’d never heard of. ¬†So, off to Youtube! ¬†I found a tutorial/instructions on how to make my own wrap. ¬†We cut the fabric and tried it out with Toby last night: ¬†success! ¬†Two wraps for $40. ¬†Not bad.

I thought I wanted maternity photos, but after a hellish time with our engagement/wedding photographer, I wasn’t sure I’d ever hire a professional photographer again! ¬†(In a nutshell, the photographer showed up late, wore running shoes, left early, and lost half of our photos. ¬†We do not have a single professional shot of the most important moments of our wedding!) ¬†I ended up having boudoir photos done last year (so fun!), and my opinion changed. ¬†I might never be pregnant again. ¬†Why wouldn’t Cody and I document this time?? ¬†Unfortunately, the package prices for these photos can be SO HIGH (averaging in my area about $300 – $400). ¬†In an effort to remain married, I decided to find a way to lower the cost, but still get the photos done. ¬†Off to Kijiji! ¬†I found a lovely woman looking to expand her portfolio and let me tell you – BEST DECISION EVER. ¬†She’s done amazing work and I only paid $25. ¬†Unbelievable. ¬†She and I clicked right away and I’m so happy we took a chance with her! ¬†There’s more to it than saving money, though. ¬†This woman wants to be able to be a photographer full time, unfortunately, she doesn’t have a lot of experience. ¬†When I asked her about newborn photos, she told me that a lot of people decide to go elsewhere after they find out she hasn’t done these types of photos yet. ¬†As many of us know, I am sure, how frustrating is it when you want a job, but that job requires experience, however, you cant get experience because no one will hire you without it? ¬†I am totally hiring Alexis for the newborn shots and I hope she is able to expand her business and portfolio. ¬†Here are a couple of her shots from our session:

IMG_7068 IMG_6984 IMG_6955

Speaking of newborn photos, I came across an interesting article today. ¬†To summarize, this woman had “newborn” shots taken of her adopted 13 year old son. ¬†If you have a chance, please check THIS ARTICLE out!

Oh, and after I read that article, and I read another. ¬†It’s completely different, but I’d totally sing along with THIS GUY¬†during rush hour.

This post is really about nothing, I realize that. ¬†I guess I’ll finish it off with a semi-update on the fruit basket.

I ended up in L&D on Monday due to cramps and back ache. ¬†I really think I’m just getting paranoid because the end is so close! ¬†Turns out I am fine and so are Apple and Banana (got a lot of comments on how “happy” they were on the monitors). ¬†I am not dilated, however I’m 50% effaced, so there is some progress! ¬†I was sent home and told that I’m not allowed to have sex for the rest of the week. ¬†The next day, I saw Dr. B and he, once again, said how happy he is with the progress. ¬†Both babes are 5 pounds now (growing a little more slowly, but they also have no room anymore), still in the right position, meaning induction at 37 weeks (uhhhh that’s 3 weeks from now!) and the likelihood of a vaginal delivery.

I’m feeling ok – had a mild panic attack thinking I lost my mucous plug yesterday, but I don’t think I did. ¬†I’m tired and not sleeping well, but I’m happy and nervous and excited and scared. ¬†And large. I forgot that I’m also ridiculously large. ¬†But happy ūüėČ

That’s it for me! ¬†I hope you’re all happy and healthy ‚̧