Oversharing is a given when you write and/or read a blog about trying to get pregnant and/or being pregnant. Never did you imagine that you’d talk about heavy flows, your sex positions, or your vagina so much, but there it is. You also probably didn’t think you’d read about these things from virtual strangers either.
I’ve been on this journey to get pregnant since 2008. I finally started to see a reproductive endocrinologist at a fertility clinic in 2012. It was my “infertile” diagnosis that prompted me to start this blog. It’s been over two years of writing my own posts and reading those from others that got me thinking: How much info is too much info? On an almost daily basis, I am shocked (and sometimes grossed out) at the things I’ve read.
I don’t know why this bothers me so much. I mean, a trans-vaginal ultrasound is awful. It’s embarrassing, it’s invasive, it takes too long. Dildos imply “fun” to me, since I would associate it with pleasure. Why would we want to put a “cutesy” name to this machine? It’s misleading to me. Not to mention, they now make dildos with cameras on them…
Yes, I know about these. No, I do not have one (I wouldn’t share that with you anyway) – they apparently talked about it on the radio, which was then relayed to me, and I am now telling you. Yes, in Canada we talk about dildos on the radio.
When I was looking for a picture of this said toy, the first thing that popped up was porn. The second thing was “Used Dildo Camera for sale”. Of all the things to buy second hand….. ick.
2. Your cervix.
I do not know what my cervix looks like. I do not know what my cervix feels like. I can honestly say that I’ve never gone rooting around in my vag, trying to find my cervix in an effort to know if it is opened or closed. However, after reading about so many of your cervix’s, I got curious one day and googled what it looked/felt like.
Apparently, it looks like the baby Alien Chestburster.
This is terrifying and has kept my fingers where they belong.
3. Your sex life.
Some people will use terms like “pollinate my flower” when talking about sex. Some make it clinical and say “have sex/intercourse”. Some give the details about the time, length of session, positioning, and quality of orgasm.
I just don’t need to know.
4. Cervical mucous.
There are really people out there who scoop up their mucous on their FINGER (some use toilet paper) and POST THIS ON THE INTERNET.
Don’t google it.
5. Pregnancy tests.
I don’t really have a big problem with this. I mean, I’ve taken hundreds of tests over the years! I get why people post the pictures – there’s nothing worse than kinda seeing a line, but not sure if it’s real or not. I mostly have a problem with the people who comment on the photos, so sure that there is a line. There’s being positive and then there’s giving false hope.
6. Your vagina.
How is it so easy to talk about the appearance of your lady bits? Or what comes out of it? Or what goes into it?
7. Your bowel movements.
Constipation is real. It’s painful and embarrassing. I get that we need to relate to each other, but talking about your feces in detail makes me weirded out. But you know what, it’s not just TTCers. My BFF talks to me about her poop all the time.
Better get used to it, beanie. Two kids in less than 2 months – there’s gonna be a lot of shit talk.
8. Your nipples.
Much like your vagina, I think the details of the size, color, and orientation could be left to our imagination. I find it very weird to be forming a picture of what your breasts look like when I don’t even know what your face looks like…. or what your name is.
9. Your period.
I’ve done this. We’ve all done this. However, I don’t want to somehow come across a picture of a bloody pad or tampon on the internet! This is too far, people. TOO. FAR.
10. Your weight.
You probably look fine. If you’re pregnant, you probably look fine – and hey, guess what? You’re supposed to gain weight! Every time we focus on outward appearance, this makes it ok to have others focus on our outward appearance. Next thing you know, our daughters and wearing makeup, straightening their hair, and dieting when they’re 11 years old thanks to media and our inability to look beyond a belly roll.
Of course, being healthy conscious is one thing. Obsession is another.
We all have different pain thresholds. Yours could be stronger than mine, but I could be stronger than “Betty”*. I think the same goes with my gag reflex. Many of the culprits on my list could be NOTHING to you, but they do weird me out a little. Please don’t think I’m talking about YOU (in case you have written about any of the above), I know I am not innocent of some of these. This is all a joke, anyway, not meant to be taken seriously and DEFINITLY not meant to offend anyone.
That being said – we, as a group, apparently have no shame. And I love you all.
*Betty is not a real person. I mean, there are real people named Betty, but I don’t know her and I am not shit talking her.
** Also, all images were found on Google, after much trial and error. Oh, the things I’ve seen.