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New Blog!

Hi Everyone!

In an effort to prove to everyone, including myself, that I’m not completely focused on growing two beauties in my belly, I decided to start a new blog! Not a mommy blog, not a pregnancy blog… a blog devoted to NAIL POLISH! A sad, sad obsession of mine.

So, if you’re interested, I’d love it if you went on over to Mama Loves Nail Polish and showed some love!  Still a work in progress, but I’m excited about it all the same 🙂

Have a great day!

beanie

My Non-Italian Stallion

I love love LOVE my husband.

But I can’t stand watching him eat. He barely chews, takes huge bites of food, and crunches his food so loudly that we can never eat without the tv or music on.

Tonight, while eating at Boston Pizza, Cody decides to get the fettuccine. I stare in horror as he is about to stuff half of the dish into his mouth in one shot and start to reprimand nag him before he dares to embarrass me with this gross attempt at eating. I explain that he was given a spoon with his fork so that he could twirl the pasta before hastily shovelling it into his mouth. That is when, ladies and gentlemen, he gifts me with one of his spectacular responses:

“I don’t like using the spoon to twirl the pasta. It’s like winding something up, like a jack in the box. It’s unpredictable.”

(He then starts to twirl the pasta, just to demonstrate his point).

“Dada dada dadadada….” (Humming the jack in the box song)

“See, and then you get to the end and OOPS, too much pasta and you have to start all over again.”

Ugh, I just love him so much, for some reason.

Happy early Valentines day!!

With love,

beanie

Picked Up and Dusted Off

First, let me set the scene for you guys:

Cody and I are vegetating on the couch. I am in my “big lady” pants (as my husband so fondly refers to them), legs stretched out across my loves lap, when I decide to approach the Conversation Topic of Doom: our baby shower.

As usual, the subject of our baby shower always creates conflict between my husband and I. I want it co-ed, he does not. He thinks it should be small and not include any of his family, I disagree. We were getting nowhere, of course, so I decide it’s time for me to remove myself from the room… Slowly.

I reach my bedroom and decide Cody is probably right behind me, so the logical solution to avoiding a full on conflict is to lock myself in our en suite bathroom.

Here is when I had my breakdown.

I sank to the floor and stretched my legs out. I happened to look down at myself and saw this huge belly staring back at me. I’m a chunky girl to start off with and having two babies growing in me makes the belly that much more…MORE. It did not help that I was in pj pants that are getting too tight in the waist only, so they kind of cut my flub off into two sections, making it appear that I have two giant Swiss rolls under my clothes. This realization made me cry. I have fat tears rolling down my face and when I went to wipe them away, it was then that I felt my new face: bumpy and red with acne. I cried harder. At some point I looked over to the toilet and it triggered something in me that reminded me of how difficult popping can be during pregnancy, so I cried even harder.

Some time passed and I decided to go rooting through our bathroom cabinet. I found a peel-off face mask and decided to use it. I found a shampoo and conditioner from our hotel in Iceland, and put it in the shower for later use. I then hauled my big butt up and decided to paint my nails for the first time in a while. While painting my nails, Cody braved my ice storm and we were able to talk a little bit. I cried some more about being large and NOT in charge of my body. I admitted that this acne is taking a huge hit to my self esteem. I confessed that I really miss wearing jeans. I just did not feel like myself – just an ugly, chubby baby-incubator.

I was hugged, cuddled, and kissed goodnight that night. And the next day, my wonderful husband took me to Target to buy some maternity jeans and a belly band. Then he took me to the hair salon and waited patiently while I chopped over 3 inches of hair off of my head. In the end, I was wearing skinny jeans, a cute top, awesome nails, had a good makeup job, and a killer new hairstyle. And to top it off, I could proudly flaunt my double baby bump while feeling like me again.

Initially, it was a little disturbing to think that I could be so vain when I’m in the beginning stages of achieving my biggest dream. Who do I think I am? How can I be so upset about such trivial things? Well, friends, pregnancy isn’t always easy. And it’s really easy to lose yourself while growing life.

I had the same issues while I was having fertility treatments – I would do everything and anything that it took to make it through the cycle, the 2WW, my periods, etc. And many times I would sit at the bottom of the shower, miserable with myself and my situation. Did I snap out of it with a makeover mantage every time? No. I would eventually reach a breaking point and I’d have a long chat with my BFF (about non fertility related things), I’d plan a party, I even joined a gym once. My point is that it’s so easy to devote your entire being to something and end up laying on the bathroom floor with mascara running down your face. At that point, give yourself some grace, find out what you want/miss/need (as trivial as that thing might be), and make yourself happy. But don’t do it for anyone but yourself, and only when you’re ready.

Be kind to yourself, my friends.

With love,

beanie