When I had all of my initial blood work completed, everything came back normal. I was told it was rare to see patients so healthy. Pregnancy would be easy to achieve.
When I wasn’t getting pregnant on just Femara tablets and timed intercourse, they told me it was normal. Only 15% of their patients would get pregnant with this protocol.
When I miscarried my Bumble, I was told this was normal. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. An exorbitantly high number of women lose their first pregnancy.
When I had my first chemical pregnancy, I was told this was normal. Apparently it is so common and most women experience them and don’t even know it’s happened.
When I had my second chemical pregnancy, I was told this was normal. Again, this is very common in women trying to conceive. Still nothing to worry about.
When I had three people try and find my left ovary with no success, I was told this is normal. Most women have one ovary that is harder to find.
And when I went to the doctor today and my one lonely follicle had only grown from 1.1 to 1.2 in four days, I was told this is fucking normal.
How can everything be “normal” and still not working right?
I know, I know. Another post where I’m happy and optimistic. Seriously though – I’m miserable today.
I kicked my own ass for over a week now. I’ve lost 6 pounds, worked out, got the right number of steps, drank enough water, took my supplements. And still – this reproductive system of mine is shit. “NORMAL”, but shit all the same.
I was cooking my stupid low calorie, low carb lunch in the microwave and it wasn’t working. I tried again and again and the stupid thing just wouldn’t heat my food. It made me mad – I punched it, actually – and I didn’t know how I was going to proceed with life. Honestly, the microwave made me question the meaning of life. It was an instant later and I realized I should unplug the stupid thing. And when I did, it was then I found the Pringles that were hidden. I ate 6 of them, and I am mad at myself now. For the fourth time in this paragraph alone – STUPID.
And for my pregnant sisters… I am happy for you. I really hope everything goes right and all that jazz. But I’m so friggen jealous. I am! I’m going to admit it. I have a hard time reading your updates, your announcements. I am jealous to the bone, and it’s pathetic. I hate saying this “out loud”, but I’m not going to pretend on this blog. I mean, the second I read an announcement all I can think is “Why not me?” That pretty much confirms that I’m a huge asshole. It gets so bad that it makes it hard to even come on WordPress because I want you all to be successful, but I guess I want to be blissfully unaware.
Am I terrible, or is this fucking normal too?