Dumpster Diving

Here’s a list of things I’m sick of:

1. Inconsiderate friends/family.

Both can be a bit much, but I’m on this new kick where I try and give them the benefit of the doubt when possible. This mostly translates into me being a lot more forgiving with stupid comments than I was before. However, there are still a few gems in my life who make me want to throat punch them. Ok, that’s mean and totally uncalled for and we all know I wouldn’t ever do that. BUT! I am so tired of opening up to people about this journey Cody and I are on and then getting a slap in the face about it.

Recent Example: Our pregnant friend who suddenly cannot see/acknowledge/care about anyone but herself. I’ve mentioned to her that we’re “infertile”. I’ve told her about the medications. I’ve told her about miscarrying Bumble. I told her TODAY about my chemical pregnancy. What was her response? A fake frowny face and a comment to “keep doing what you’re doing!”. Uh… huh?

2. Ugly crying.

Since January 2013, I’ve had 14 failed cycles and two which “technically” have worked. In those 14 cycles, I’ve taken a minimum of 2 pregnancy tests to make sure the reading was correct. In December 2013, I got pregnant and took 5 pregnancy tests, however ended up miscarrying. In June 2014, I had a negative test and 3 positive tests, however it ended in a chemical pregnancy. So I’ve had 37 tests (minimum) and only negative results in some way or another. I’ve also taken medication for all 14 cycles which have turned me into a crazy lady and made me argue with my husband 2-3 times in one cycle. All of those numbers = a lot of ugly crying.

Recent Example: I tested this month and it was, obviously, negative. I waited until Cody came home before I had my fit. I wailed and blubbered like a baby and in the end only ended up with having to wash my sheets because I got mascara all over them. Ugly crying is messy.

3. Timed Intercourse vs IUI vs IVF.. Or “Infertiles Against Infertiles”

In our infertility blogging world, I am finding that there is an undertone that “my struggle” is harder than “your struggle”.  As a person “only” doing IUI and likely only ever doing IUI, I have sometimes felt like those going through IVF feel like their procedure is harder than mine, therefore I should feel lucky not to have a struggle so hard.  This not only annoys me, but it makes me sad.

A person trying to get pregnant could be just as upset when 3, 4, 10 months goes by and they are not successful.  A person doing timed intercourse is just as devastated with a negative pregnancy test as I am.  Injectables suck regardless of the procedure you’re doing, and that friggen transvaginal ultrasound is a bitch, no matter who you are.  We’re all struggling, people.  Infertility is infertility, regardless of what particular protocol you might be on.

I’m not going to give a recent example since I’d never publicly call anyone out on their thoughtless comments.  Let’s just say – when I come across these people, I stop following their blog.

4. Predictive Text/Autocorrect

Honestly… there’s either something wrong with my phone, or me.  I clearly am too focused on some things.

“Be….” – first word to populate is “beta”, second option is “better”

“Con…” – first word to populate is “conceive”, second option is “control”

“Pr…” – first word to populate is “pregnancy”, second option is “progesterone”

“Mi…” – first word to populate is “miscarriage”, second option is “might”

Come on, phone. Give me a break!

 5. Transvaginal Ultrasounds and Shaving

Enough said.  Lena sees my bits more often than my husband.  This is not ok.

6. Early Mornings

To go to the clinic, I am up by 4:45AM, usually after going to bed after 10PM and barely sleeping (I am always nervous to go to the clinic… always).  I rush home to try and catch an hour of sleep before work.  I come home and try to cat nap before Cody gets home.  Then around 10, I’m back in bed.  I just want a full night of 9 hours of sleep or more!

7. Needles in the Stomach

Insulin.  Bravelle. Ovidrel.  All of them end up in the stomach.  None of them compare to PIO shots or the Rhogam shot which go in the ass… but we’re comparing two different beasts at that point.

8. Google

Google always pleases the hypochondriac in me.  If I think I’m dying, I can find proof online that I am.  If I think my weird, obscure symptom might be related to pregnancy, Google finds someone who can confirm it definitely means I’m knocked up.  I hate Google.

 

I had more, but I started this two days ago after discovering that this month was, again, a bust.  I’ve since calmed down a bit and don’t hate life as much as I did a couple of days ago.  …Except that I’m currently in a spat with Cody and am only finishing this post at 12:00AM because I don’t want to talk to him…. so I guess I hate life differently right now.

 

Onward and upward, apparently.  Can’t go much lower.

 

beanie

5 thoughts on “Dumpster Diving

  1. Yes, let’s talk about #3…I see it as, we’re all in this together, more or less. We need to support one another instead of trying to compare our hurt, which is subjective. Lame. I’m sorry people have said hurtful things to you and adding to the frustration of the whole situation.

    1. You’re very right – each journey is different, but no less straining than someone else’s! Instead of judging, we should be supporting and listening to each other.

      Thanks so much for the kind words. I can’t wait for things to start looking up (hopefully….)

  2. I completely agree with Iners vs. IFers. We all have a different journey. That doesn’t mean you should be any less or more heartbroken when you get a BFN. IF sucks regardless. We shoudl be supporting each other. There is a famous quotation (that I can never remember the exact wording or who said it) about you know strong women because they are the ones building other women up instead of tearing them down. Sending love and light.

    1. I really wish that women could rally together better than we do.

      I love that quote from Eat, Pray, Love btw 🙂 Sending the same back to you!

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