“Tropical Moments”

I should write, but I don’t know what to write about.  I want to write, but my mind is blank and my fingers aren’t running across the keyboard as easily as they normally would.

I’m so tired.

I’ve been taking 300 units of Bravelle a day for…6 days now?  I think it was 6.  Tonight I’ll be “ramping down” and taking 150 units.  Tomorrow will be trigger day.  Friday and Saturday will be IUI days.

Holy Mexico, this cycle has been a rough one so far.  Not only did I have a chemical pregnancy, which shook my confidence in this who process again, but the increase in medication has definitely taken it’s toll on my body.  My doctor told me that she wanted to go up in units to try and create a bit of a shorter cycle.  I went along with it because I wanted more follicles.

If only I had known….  If only Cody had known.

I have cried a lot.  I mean, I’m sensitive to start off with, but man, oh man.  I got mad at Cody one particular day about I don’t know what.  I stomped into the house and advised him that his best bet would be to not give me attitude because I would make it my mission to make the fight last until 2AM.  After a while, I let him into the bedroom to try and hash it out and it was at that time that I made it known that he did not treat me right.  I apparently (at the time) felt like he didn’t acknowledge all I’m doing in an effort to give him children.  I apparently (at the time) felt like I deserved recognition in the form of a gift or flowers. (I just re-read that line and again, I laughed.  It’s just too ridiculous).   After I yelled for a while, I got upset because I knew that I didn’t actually think my husband was a terrible human being and I felt bad for yelling at him about non-issues.  Which made me cry.  I looked my handsome husband in the face and started to bawl.  And what did I say?

“I don’t want more medication!  I feel insane!!  I don’t make sense, I’m sad, and I’m crying all the time.  I’m a rollercoaster!  I feel like I’m watching myself and I’m not me.  And it’s funny, but it’s notttttttttttttt!”

I watched an episode of Big Brother Canada where two houseguests are praying together.  I cried.  And gave this commentary:

“I just love it so much.  Kyle is such a good guy.  They are friends and Kyle wants to pray with Adel, just to learn and bond.  It’s beautiful.  And some Muslims are treated really, really bad.” (cue more crying)

Last night, I watched a YouTube video about kids and their dads.  I cried.  My commentary?

“Oh, I love it.  I’m going to cry.  I just want to make you a dad, too!” (silent tears on this one)

My tomato plants were damaged in a wind storm last night.  I almost cried.  I snuggle my kitten and realize I just love him so much and it makes me want to cry.  My Dada and Step-Momma are coming to visit and it’s not coming fast enough, so it makes me want to cry.

Imagine my shock when they told me today that my estrogen levels were a little low.  I even told the nurse that it seemed impossible since I have cried every day for what feels like weeks now.

For the 5th time now, ladies – BRAVELLE IS NOT PRETTY.  Say it with me:  Bravelle will make you a crying, whining, bitching hot mess.

…Literally a hot mess.  I’ve had hot flashes this time – that was new and not-so exciting.  Let’s call these “tropical moments”.  My tummy is bloated again, I have a headache (I think it’s cause I’ve had no caffeine today.  And I’m tired).  BUT!  There are at least 6 follicles on each side and the doctor thinks I’ll release 4 or 5 good eggs.  So maybe this is the month I get – AND STAY – pregnant.

I’m thinkin’ yes!

 

I’d like to send some messages to some special people.  It’s this new thing I’m going to do on my blog… cause sometimes I’m too lazy to leave comments on your posts.  Plus, my readers should know about all of you!

Elisha – I’m praying for you and your Mamma.

Kristen – I’m so happy for you!  Oh, and I’m also suffering from mild OHSS (sort of).  I feel your pain, madame!

And to the new mama – I hope you’re soaking in all of the beautiful moments with your amazingly handsome little man!  He is just too friggen cute.

 

See ya in a few days, folks.

 

beanie

13 thoughts on ““Tropical Moments”

  1. I am not sure whether I will be on Bravelle or not, but you just gave me SO MUCH to look forward to. :S Hang in there. I hope the rest of this cycle is not as up and down for you.

    1. Thanks! Maybe I’m a weiner and it’s not that bad? The pain is pretty much non-existent, if that helps! 😉

      I think I’m in for a few more days of emotion. But the hot flashes are gone haha

      Good luck to you as well! I’m gonna bet you’ll handle them like a champ 😀

  2. Ugh. I’m so sorry it’s so hard. I was telling CHief the other day that if this cycle doesn’t take I want to ask for injectables so that we can make more follicles and have “more bites at the apple” so to speak, but I’m not looking forward to it. Nosireebob.

    1. The injectables (mostly) do what they’re supposed to do. I mean, I have huge ovaries covered in follicles LOL. But they are so so hard on the system. And my body doesn’t seem to respond very well to the meds until the last couple of days. Some days I wish I wasn’t on them, but my RE doesn’t see much validity in doing an IUI without them so….

      My recommendation if/when you do them: Take them at night, a little before bed. When your system starts to process what the eff is going on, you’ll be sleeping. That being said… I think they mess with you no matter what LOL

      Good luck!

      1. I was taking Femara/Letrozole and responded well. For some reason, it takes a while for the Bravelle to kick in. I hate them – but with a grand total of 13 follicles, I guess they are doing what they’re supposed to do haha. I hope you don’t need the injectables – I hope this cycle results in your BFP!

        It was definitely a rough road – but the IUI’s are complete and I’m not in the process of a divorce… so all is well 😉

  3. Thanks Beanie! I am finally feeling a little bit of relief from the OHSS, it never did get worse but it’s still hanging on. I’m cheering for you this cycle! I know the med roller coaster is exhausting, hang in there 🙂 trigger day is in site! I’m sending you all of my positive vibes!

    1. Oh, I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling a little better!

      It’s all water under the bridge now. IUI’s are over (thankfully) and my husband and I still mostly like each other. This might be the cycle…. 😉

      Thanks again!

  4. Oh Sweetie!!! I wanted to hug you so many times reading this. We are so lucky to have great men who understand what horrible things IF treatments and hormones do to our sanity. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. This cycle sounds really promising.

    1. Thank you so much. It’s been the most emotionally draining cycle yet. Thankfully, the IUI’s are complete, my husband still loves me, and my Dad will be here tomorrow! Things are looking up 😉

  5. Hey girl!! Thank you so much for your prayers. Mamma isn’t doing good. She doesn’t open her eyes or talk but I know she can still hear me. It has been a rough few days but I got your package in the mail yesterday. It was perfect timing since it was Josiah Day and just a tough day all around. You are so so so sweet! Hugs! Xoxoxo

    1. I was happy to read that your Mamma was able to show you that she could still hear you when you were with her. I’m sure it was a huge comfort to her. I’m thinking of you, babe!

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