I should write, but I don’t know what to write about. I want to write, but my mind is blank and my fingers aren’t running across the keyboard as easily as they normally would.
I’m so tired.
I’ve been taking 300 units of Bravelle a day for…6 days now? I think it was 6. Tonight I’ll be “ramping down” and taking 150 units. Tomorrow will be trigger day. Friday and Saturday will be IUI days.
Holy Mexico, this cycle has been a rough one so far. Not only did I have a chemical pregnancy, which shook my confidence in this who process again, but the increase in medication has definitely taken it’s toll on my body. My doctor told me that she wanted to go up in units to try and create a bit of a shorter cycle. I went along with it because I wanted more follicles.
If only I had known…. If only Cody had known.
I have cried a lot. I mean, I’m sensitive to start off with, but man, oh man. I got mad at Cody one particular day about I don’t know what. I stomped into the house and advised him that his best bet would be to not give me attitude because I would make it my mission to make the fight last until 2AM. After a while, I let him into the bedroom to try and hash it out and it was at that time that I made it known that he did not treat me right. I apparently (at the time) felt like he didn’t acknowledge all I’m doing in an effort to give him children. I apparently (at the time) felt like I deserved recognition in the form of a gift or flowers. (I just re-read that line and again, I laughed. It’s just too ridiculous). After I yelled for a while, I got upset because I knew that I didn’t actually think my husband was a terrible human being and I felt bad for yelling at him about non-issues. Which made me cry. I looked my handsome husband in the face and started to bawl. And what did I say?
“I don’t want more medication! I feel insane!! I don’t make sense, I’m sad, and I’m crying all the time. I’m a rollercoaster! I feel like I’m watching myself and I’m not me. And it’s funny, but it’s notttttttttttttt!”
I watched an episode of Big Brother Canada where two houseguests are praying together. I cried. And gave this commentary:
“I just love it so much. Kyle is such a good guy. They are friends and Kyle wants to pray with Adel, just to learn and bond. It’s beautiful. And some Muslims are treated really, really bad.” (cue more crying)
Last night, I watched a YouTube video about kids and their dads. I cried. My commentary?
“Oh, I love it. I’m going to cry. I just want to make you a dad, too!” (silent tears on this one)
My tomato plants were damaged in a wind storm last night. I almost cried. I snuggle my kitten and realize I just love him so much and it makes me want to cry. My Dada and Step-Momma are coming to visit and it’s not coming fast enough, so it makes me want to cry.
Imagine my shock when they told me today that my estrogen levels were a little low. I even told the nurse that it seemed impossible since I have cried every day for what feels like weeks now.
For the 5th time now, ladies – BRAVELLE IS NOT PRETTY. Say it with me: Bravelle will make you a crying, whining, bitching hot mess.
…Literally a hot mess. I’ve had hot flashes this time – that was new and not-so exciting. Let’s call these “tropical moments”. My tummy is bloated again, I have a headache (I think it’s cause I’ve had no caffeine today. And I’m tired). BUT! There are at least 6 follicles on each side and the doctor thinks I’ll release 4 or 5 good eggs. So maybe this is the month I get – AND STAY – pregnant.
I’m thinkin’ yes!
I’d like to send some messages to some special people. It’s this new thing I’m going to do on my blog… cause sometimes I’m too lazy to leave comments on your posts. Plus, my readers should know about all of you!
Elisha – I’m praying for you and your Mamma.
Kristen – I’m so happy for you! Oh, and I’m also suffering from mild OHSS (sort of). I feel your pain, madame!
And to the new mama – I hope you’re soaking in all of the beautiful moments with your amazingly handsome little man! He is just too friggen cute.
See ya in a few days, folks.