Waving the White Flag

I am officially in the two week wait.  I have a love-hate relationship with the 2WW.  I don’t like the symptom spotting or the actual waiting… however, I REALLY like not having shots every night and not needing to go to the clinic multiple times a week.  I really don’t win at all until I see a positive test, though.

Saturday I had IUI Numero Uno.  My doctor seemed in a rush to get out of the clinic ASAP – I mean, it was the start to the long weekend, so I understand why.  My cervix, however, did not.  I’ve never really had any pain during an IUI, the cramping was pretty much non-existent, and I’ve never spotted – until Saturday.  To make matters worse, Cody was sick.  Throwing up sick.  Apparently I’m a mean bastard and never have enough sympathy when he’s ill.  We actually argued for a good portion of the day because I was upset that he wasn’t there for me and I needed him.  This made me extra emotional (I kid you not – I cried 5 separate times throughout Saturday) and I sat in the backseat while he drove us home.  This only gave me more time to think that me crying, yelling, and throwing a fit was killing off the 27 million swimmers that were just put in me.  Lovely.

IUI Numero Dos happened on Sunday.  We had to go to a different clinic in downtown Toronto.  This clinic was HUGE.  There were a bunch of different sign up sheets, different waiting areas, and like 100 more people than I’m used to seeing at my regular clinic.  We were there for about two and a half hours.  Lucky for me, Lena (the ultrasound tech from my usual clinic) was there and she grabbed my chart right when she saw me.  She confirmed that I’d ovulated (even though technically she wasn’t allowed to do that) and then gave me some more thorough instructions of what to do next.  I went for blood and it was fine – no pain, no bruising.  Then the long wait for my IUI began.  When we finally made it back, Ruth, a nurse practitioner, was the one doing the IUI.  I was mostly ok with this, since Ella had told me that she was good and very nice.  Ruth “guaranteed” that she was going to get me pregnant and even told me how she’d done her daughter-in-law’s IUI and she got pregnant with twins.  I’d told her that I had miscarried a few moths prior and she then said she’s also “put some crazy glue up there” too.  …Not sure how to take that.  Anyway, the IUI was MORE painful than Saturday’s – I even had to squeeze Cody’s hand, which had never happened.  It was over fast and with only a few weird comments.  The grand total was only 4.5 million little guys.  Eventually a doctor came in but he really didn’t seem to care to be there since we weren’t that clinic’s patients.  He said the number was fine and I could get up whenever I was ready.

Ruth did give me some fun facts I thought I’d share with you.  A)  4.5 million is a good number and they aren’t worried since normally only about 200,000 swimmers make it past the cervix, normally.  B)  It takes about 8 minutes for sperm to swim approximately 1 inch.  Which is a lot, since they’re so tiny.  It does not take a lot of time for them to be where they need to be!

After the IUI, we made a trip to Ikea.  We went for lunch after that.  And then we went to my in-laws house.


It was fine.  Good, even.  My mother-in-law asked what we’d been up to, and Cody said “We had to go to the clinic this morning.” and she asked how it was.  I told her I was a little sore and tired, but it was ok.  She made a comment about how it would be better to get the testing over with now and we just smiled.  I figured if it didn’t go any further than that we’d have still made progress.  A few seconds later she asked me what we’d had done at the clinic.  Cody and I looked at each other and I turned to her and said “Um, well I had an IUI.  So… artificial insemination….” – so awkward.  She instantly went from stunned to excited (she works in the medical field so she understands what an IUI is without getting into dirty, weird details).  All of a sudden, I’m being told to lay down, keep your feet up, here – take the recliner.  I was laughing and telling them I was ok, but they still didn’t let me help with anything during our visit.  Cody’s mom asked some more questions about how many times we’d done this, what medications I needed to take, and what clinic we had been to.  It was really nice.  We moved on to some other topics and Cody’s dad came home.  They went outside to start (but not finish) building a gazebo and I was watching TV with one sister-in-law and Cody’s mom was moving about the house.  My MIL then randomly came into the room and said “Beanie, thank you so much for telling me.  Let me know if you ever need anything or if we can help at all.”  It was really, really nice.  I told her that we’d agreed that we wanted to have them involved since the last pregnancy ended in miscarriage and we realized how much we needed our family’s support.  I also told her I hadn’t said anything to anyone since I was ashamed.  She was comforting and so nice about everything.  She also said they wouldn’t be telling anyone since it wasn’t anyone’s business.  Later, my father-in-law and husband needed a tool from Canadian Tire, so they sent my mother-in-law.  Rather than sit and watch TV, I made the choice to go with her on the errand.  I normally wouldn’t have done that.  It was fine though, and we even found the right tool!  Before we left, she thanked us again for keeping her “in the loop” and said she was looking forward to finding out the result in a few weeks.

After getting to talk to my mother-in-law, I was so relieved.  It really is just so much easier to be getting along with her and the rest of my in-laws than to be standoffish.  I’m happy to say that it looks like both sides will be making efforts to bond with each other.  And even though she can probably do the math and figure out the exact day when we’ll know if our IUI’s worked or not, I know she won’t pry or even ask.  

Monday was uneventful.  We went to see our friends who are expecting.  I’m ok with the pregnancy part – it’s when my pregnant friend seems to think that we can’t also talk about my pregnancy journey as well.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m not an attention-seeking-jerk.  But friendship should go both way and I’m going through a big thing too.  Why are we pretending like I’m not pregnant by choice?  Here is a jerky thing though – I’m not going to her baby shower.  Even if I’m expecting and not wanting to cry because it’s “not fair”, I’m still not going.  Mostly cause she and I do not share a single common friend.  And cause I just don’t want to go.

I think that’s it for the update, folks.  Lame, no funny “quips”.  I hope you all had a good long weekend!  And that no one is missing any fingers from setting off fireworks!



2 thoughts on “Waving the White Flag

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