Family Dynamics

After Cody and I left the fertility clinic, I dropped him off at work.  Wouldn’t you know it, his Dad is outside and spots us.  Perfect.

We make some small talk and his Dad says to me “Come and visit me!  You never come over.  Come for a BBQ, I have some work for Cody to do.”  Cody did tell me about this and I was holding steady with my boycott.

I didn’t tell you about the boycott, did I?  Well, after my miscarriage I decided that I just cannot bear to be around Cody’s family.  Mostly his extended family, but I didn’t really want to go to many of the immediate family get-togethers either. I have tried really hard over the years to get to know his family and they don’t show any interest in doing the same, so I give up.  When I miscarried I kept waiting to hear from my mother-in-law, and it never happened.  I was shocked because she was so happy we were expecting, so it really hurt that she didn’t care that I was suffering.  So I explained to Cody that I was going to boycott most family get-togethers for minimum 1 year.  I told him I needed the break and that I was doing this for me.

However… last night I changed my tune.  I told Cody that we could go to the BBQ – but he had to explain to his parents that I was likely going to be having an IUI that day and I can’t guarantee we’ll actually be showing up.  Cody was on board and told me that he was going to tell his parents that the IUI’s are hard on the system, so the BBQ would have to be a quiet get-together.  I was so happy that he really seemed to understand my feelings so well and would be able to relay them to the outlaws.  I also told Cody that instead of being defensive and pushing his immediate family away, I’ll try again.  ONE LAST TIME.  I’m actually looking forward to seeing how this turns out.

Ok, so I’m standing there in a public parking lot, looking like shit, and my father-in-law asks me what I’m up to after I leave.  I told him that it’s my day off so I was on my way back home.  He says “Oh, and you drove Cody all the way to work?” and I reply with “Well, we went to the fertility clinic this morning.”  His reaction was….. good-ish?  He asked how things were going and I said something about it being alright, but slow.  My father-in-law then said “That’s ok.  It will all be good.  I’ll have grandkids and a train set and everything will be ok.”  I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the exact words, but the thought was there.  And that’s what I do appreciate.  I hope that his concern for me can be extended to his wife and daughters over the weekend.

Maybe there’s hope for us yet.

So, random side note #1 – I’m paranoid.  One of my sister-in-laws is more of the writer type.  I got it in my head that she’s on WordPress and she’s somehow going to find my blog and know it’s me.  I (obviously) don’t use my name or even my husband’s real name – but I posted photos.  In my paranoia, I’ve made this post private.  If you want to read it, please comment and I’ll send you the password 🙂

Random side note #2 – I’m trying to train my cats.  They already know some tricks.  Well, the big one does; the little one is still too unfocused.  What I’m trying to do is try and get them used to wearing a harness so that when we finally get our backyard, I can put them on leashes when we’re outside.  Be honest – on a scale of 1 to 10 of weirdness (1 being “not that weird” and 10 being “you’re taking cat-lady to a whole other level”), where does this sit?

In case I don’t post over the long weekend, I just want to remind everyone to stay safe and have fun!  If you’re going camping – I’m super jealous.



16 thoughts on “Family Dynamics

  1. 🙂 I have harness’s for my cats. The way i think about it as long as your in your backyard and not a public park – you should be okay 🙂 LOL Good luck with your husbands family, I hope it goes well.

    1. My one cat (the little one – he’s a kitten) is alright with the harness. The big one doesn’t seem to care for it. I have a plan to get them used to it, so I hope it goes well lol. The little one is a Russian Blue cross and they’re known for being really skittish (he definitely lives up to that trait), so no walks for him LOL

      Thanks! I hope it goes well too :-/

  2. Dealing with outlaws is never easy… Good for you for being the bigger person and giving then another chance, I hope things go well! And I’ve seen people walking their cats in the dog park so I don’t think you are weird 🙂

    1. Thank you! I hope it’s not easier said than done…

      LOL I don’t think I’ll be taking my cats to the dog park just yet…. haha

    1. thank you! I wasn’t quite sure about it, but I’m determined to do it. If the big one can learn tricks, they can learn to wear a harness haha

  3. oh the in laws are so hard to deal with sometimes! YIKES!! Praying for you and hoping that everything will go smoothly. I often try to just remember that unless someone has actually been in our shoes, they really don’t know what to do, say, think, etc. I also like to go to my in laws and just stay in my own little bubble and when I hear them talking (even about the weather), I turn it to white noise 🙂 hehe

    1. LOL I can’t picture you having difficulties relating with anyone! I think I’m going to take a page out of your book though; white noise could work. I often find myself staring off into space while I’m over at their house. I really hope it goes well because a positive relationship can only be beneficial for my future bebé’s,

      And you are so right. I need to be a little more forgiving with some of the comments people make. It’s usually by accident and/or because they’re caught off guard. As long as it’s not mean on purpose, I think we should throw them a bone 🙂

  4. I can totally understand not knowing how to accept the words of your FIL. I think you’re right to recognize the intentions behind them though!! Hopefully that’s a positive start and it WILL bleed to his wife and daughters!! **praying!!**

      1. That’s FANTASTIC!! I’m so glad to hear that! Family dynamics are a funny thing!! And something that’s been on my heart to write about in my situation!!! ❤️ Thank you for the inspiration!!

      2. Anytime, bella. OH! I saw a little boy walk into my work with a jersey that had “McNABB” on the back… I thought of you!

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