Mind. Blown!

Wow.  All this time and I thought that there was no way I didn’t know EXACTLY how to make a baby.  Apparently, I was wrong:




Twister.  I should  have been playing TWISTER in bed!

And now you know, ladies and gents.




(I saw this on Pinterest and the description or caption was “And THAT is how babies are made”.  It annoyed me – but it’s kind of cute.  Figured I’d post it anyway….)



For My Husband

Cody is hilarious.  I’ve compiled a few of my favorite quotes for your reading enjoyment!

Here we go:

♥  “Shredded meat looks gross.  It’s lazy and I want someone to put effort into what they’re selling me.  Cubed meat is where it’s at.” – This was said after I told him that the pulled pork sandwich I got from Subway didn’t look very appealing

♥  “I’ve realized that “gluten” actually means “delicious”.” – I’ve been told this many of times, but Cody told me again this weekend because he apparently ate a gluten-free brownie and it was “just…. off”.

♥  “At this point, you’re eating cauliflower.” – Another “health rant” Cody was on while talking about gluten-free, lactose-free pizza.

♥  “Lady parts are complicated.  It’s like a jack-in-the-box.” – When I raised my eyebrows he continued with:  “Think about it.  It’s true.”

♥  “It’s what you girls do.  You talk about periods.” – I was telling Cody about a “private” conversation I was having with my girlfriend, which did have to do with periods.

♥  “That was an excellent anti-bullying movie. It was also a lesson in moderation of everything, including religion.” – Cody’s opinion after watching the Carrie remake.

♥  “I love you more than there are stars in the sky. More than there are days in July. ….. And, more than slices of apple pie. You know how much I love apple pie!” – A poem just for me.

♥  “You can’t just put two words together and it be something. Watch: tomorrow I’m going to make Ostrich Toothpaste.”  – I made the mistake of showing him a recipe for “Tuna Muffins” on Pinterest.  Let it be known that I had no intention of actually making those muffins….

♥  Here’s a conversation between Cody and I one day….

Beanie: Stupid pigeons! I feel like they’re going to fly into me just to get food.
Cody   : Good thing you’re not wearing open-toed shoes.
Beanie: You think they’d mistake my toenail polish for food? (said with terror)
Cody   : No – they would mistake your toes for little sausages and try to eat them.
Beanie: Wow.
Cody   : I think your toes are cute.

♥  Cody used to compare my “sad face” to that of a basset hound.  After explaining why this is insulting, his reply is “Well, you know they are my favorite dog”.  Men.


There is so much more to this man than his sense of humour.  He’s kind, loving, supportive, faithful (to me and to God), talented, intelligent, responsible.  And attractive!  He’s my total package.  Even though he manages to get food on the walls when he cooks, accidentally insults me while trying to compliment me, or still doesn’t know what a dust rag is – I wouldn’t trade him in.


With every drop of love in my body – this one’s for you, Cody.  My love, my life.




(just after posting this, I realized this is my 70th post.  It’s also a matter of days until Cody and I celebrate 7 years together!)

Woe Is NOT Me

Ok, so I’m ready to remove my head from my ass.

I’m sorry, guys!  I was whiny, weepy, and woeful.  Cody was doing a good job of being there for me, but I was still being a baby about everything and brought it here.  Not getting my period isn’t helping my case either.  I’m so sorry if I annoyed you with all my bitching.  I’ll try to keep it to a minimum from now on.  

Who am I kidding?  All I do is bitch on this blog sometimes. 

Anyway, I am feeling much better!  The vertigo that caused me to go to the Urgent Care Clinic is gone.  Thank you, Epley Manoeuvre!  And the medication “Serc”, I guess.  There is still some pressure/pain in my ear with a weird noise attached to it, but all in all, I’d say I’m on the mend.  I’ve even figured out that caffeine aggravates the symptoms I do still have, so I’m working on cutting it out of my system completely.  Apparently a diet too high in sodium will also enhance symptoms, so no more poutine, KFC, Chinese food, or chips.  You can’t see it, but I’m actually frowning about that.  I try not to have those things often, but they are things I do enjoy.  Especially poutine!  What’s a Canadian girl supposed to do without poutine?

I’m not going to lie – the thought of (another) lifelong illness sucks.  I have been dealing with ears/nose/throat/sinus issues for as long as I can remember, so it’s not that.  It’s the idea that I could end up with permanent hearing loss.  It’s also that it’s another thing I might potentially pass on to my future babies.  That does not make me feel good!

I have managed to reason with myself (with Cody’s help) and have concluded I don’t likely have MS.  Of course, it’s possible.  But I’m not going to sit here and worry myself sick about it.  In reality, I don’t have many symptoms that would indicate I could have MS, especially  since it’s all been ear related (NOT an MS symptom) and the medication and physical therapy exercises I’ve done have alleviated my problems.  I will have to have tests on my ear in the future and also some tests to rule out other possible causes of the dizziness – but until I have those done, what can I do?  

Live life.  THAT’s what I can (and will) do!

There was a cherry on top of the shit (being passed off as ice cream) I was served last week.  I received a letter in the mail from the hospital in my town.  They would like to know more about my “visit” to the emergency room on December 30th, 2013 (my miscarriage date).  Well, Mr. Letter Sender, my “stay” was terrible.  Maybe you should read my chart first, figure out WHY I was there, and then decide if I’d like to rehash the dirty details with some stranger who doesn’t care and then give you some suggestions or comments about your facility and staff. 

*insert 774 eye rolls here*

That’s about it for me!  Hope life is gum drops and candy canes for you all!




PS – Am I the only one who thinks a cat carrying a toy in his mouth is adorable?  Also, speaking of cats, go to YouTube and search “Cats vs Balloons”.  HILARIOUS.


Oh, Lord.  I need to have a baby.  I’m becoming a cat lady.

Another Diagnosis

Honestly, if I never see another Walk In Clinic/Urgent Care Clinic/Emergency Room, I’ll die a happy woman.  I am so grateful we have these facilities available.  And in Canada, I’m lucky that I can walk into any of these places and been seen by a doctor for free.  I just wish I didn’t have to go to these places!

In 2008, it was confirmed I was diabetic.  For the next few years, things were mellow while I tried to maintain this disease.  In 2012, I got this wicked sinus infection that lasted over a month, but other than that, things were ok.  2013 is when things started to go to shit.  I was diagnosed with PCOS at the beginning of the year.  Months and months of treatment after treatment landed me pregnant almost a year later.  Then I miscarried in December.  Since December I’ve been sick.  A cold, puke-fest 2014, bronchitis with an ear thing, and now this lovely dizziness.  So I guess 2014 is where things start to go to shit. 

I went to the doctor last night.  Waited about an hour and then had a very thorough exam.  I was told I’ve got vertigo which could possibly be the cause of Meniere’s disease, which is an issue in my inner ear.  Oh but wait!  This doesn’t go away… symptoms can be lessened, but you’re likely to continue having episodes, and some of the symptoms could be intensified, up to – and including – hearing loss.  Awesome… another life-long illness.  I’m taking a medication that will help with the vertigo, I’m hoping it starts to work soon!

And now I’m crying.  I’m so freaked out and it’s really for no reason.  I’m doing the stupid Google thing I always do and it brought me back to MS.  I know the likelihood of me having MS is so super small, but there’s always a possibility for anything!  And you know how it goes:  you read the symptoms of anything and you can pull out a few that you have.  I mean – BEANIE!  The doctor did tests and specifically said that she was eliminating a brain-related issue.  She SAID there were likely particles in the inner ear and sometimes that just happens.

I’m overwhelmed and sad today, friends.



Ms. (NON) Brightside

Ok, so about that dizziness…  I’m used to getting a little light headed when standing up sometimes.  I always thought it was related to blood pressure or something.  I always hoped it was related to pregnancy.  Anyway, this dizziness is more than that.  I cannot lay down or sit up without being “overtaken” by the spell.  I literally feel like the room is spinning and I go completely off balance.  If I’m in bed, I lay down.  When I’m not having a “spell”, my head feels heavy and swimmy, and I’m tired.

Now, like I said, I’m sure this is an inner ear issue.  However, after freaking myself out, I googled my symptoms and it turns out it could also be MS, a tumour, or a stroke.

I’m a hypochondriac.  I don’t know how to NOT jump to the worst (and most unlikely) scenario.  That being said, I’m going to an urgent care centre tonight.



You Spin Me Right Round

I still haven’t seen my Auntie Flo.  During (many) moments of boredom, I’ve taken a pregnancy (or 5) and they’re all negative.  I still have one sitting in the bathroom, unopened, calling to me. 

Beanie…. Beanie!  BEANIE!  There’s still a chance.  It’s CD 40.  When was the last time that happened?  You should test.  Just be 100% sure.”

It’s ridiculous.  Yes, it’s CD 40.  I know, however, that it’s because I haven’t had any medical intervention.  Before, I was on Femara OR injectables and then my ovulation was triggered.  Now, my ovaries are tired from producing too many follicles and they don’t want finish the cycle off.  Or something.  Hello – my name is Beanie and I (apparently) have PCOS and I don’t even really know what that means.  If nothing happens anytime soon, though, we’ll be back at the clinic in time for our 7 year anniversary.  April 1, 2014!

So mostly unrelated to pregnancy and periods – I’ve recently developed something strange.  I am having some serious dizzy spells.  Not when you’d expect though.  I noticed it one night when I was sleeping – I rolled over and everything started to spin.  It continued through the night and into the next day, fading a little as the day went on.  I went to bed that night (last night, actually) and it was happening again.  It was stronger than the night before and more frequent throughout the night.  I’ve noticed I’m a little clumsier and off balance, and my vision is weird too.  I can’t watch fast moving things without getting dizzy.  My “research” leads me to believe it’s an inner ear thing.  It would make sense since I’ve always had a problem with one of my ears and my Dad has ear issues as well.  The problem now is finding a doctor who’s accepting new patients in my town.  This should be fun…

Oh, and Toby’s vet visit!  I haven’t told you guys (I’m going to pretend you care about how the vet visit went… mostly because I don’t have much to write about).  He didn’t like the car ride.  He didn’t mind being weighed and examined.  He howled for his shots – which I’m thankful I didn’t have to see.  And then we were told he was sold to us… with fleas.  So gross!  I’m a bit of a neat freak and I am terrified of all insects and insect-type things, so this has been hard.  I haven’t seen any of the little blood suckers… but just knowing they’re here gives me the creeps.  We’re treating him, our other cat, and our pet rabbit for fleas.  I hope this is over soon!

And that’s my random information update.  Hope everyone is doing well!



International Women’s Day

“Chivalry is a poor substitute for justice, if one cannot have both. Chivalry is something like the icing on cake, sweet, but not nourishing.”
– Nellie McClung

In a previous life, I worked at a rape crisis centre.  I had the opportunity to visit different schools in our area and gave presentations on Healthy Relationships, Drug Facilitated Sexual Assault, and Sexual Assault.  The amount of disclosures the students gave was terrifying.

Additionally, I worked the crisis line for the centre.  I can’t tell you how many times my heart broke while talking to those callers.   I helped run various work shops at shelters in the area and even helped to organize our region’s Take Back The Night rally.  This job was definitely the most humbling, but also the hardest job I’ve ever had.  There was a long period of time where I lost faith in our society as a whole.

Though I no longer work this job, I’ve been thinking about different ways I can still help in the fight against violence towards women.  Believe me when I say that no rape crisis centre or women’s shelter would turn away a volunteer.  If you don’t have the ability to volunteer at one of these places, consider attending your community’s Take Back The Night rally or other events that different organizations in your community may be running.  

March 8th is International Women’s Day. In additional to equality and other social and political issues, I sincerely hope and pray that a day will come when violence against women is ended both in Canada and throughout the world!

Think of the women in your life today.  Think about where we were, where we are, and where we should be.



Just Call Me Loki

Actually, it’s what I’m now naming my reproductive system.  Loki – like the trickster God from Norse mythology.

I knew it was kind of a long shot, but I thought I might be pregnant.  First, it was mostly because I’d read so much about women being “more fertile” after a miscarriage.  Second, my RE seemed to think I might be returning to the clinic pregnant (“We’re never surprised when someone goes on a break from treatment and winds up pregnant!”, to quote Dr. R.).  Third, cause my body told me I was.

Stupid body.

I remember exactly what I felt like during my (short) pregnancy.  My tummy was bloated and full all the time, with a hint of queasiness.  My sense of smell was insane.  My boobs almost killed me.  Anyway, for a few days now, I’ve had the same feeling in my tummy.  I was feeling the exact same as I did a week before I found out I was pregnant.  So when I peed on the HPT, I knew it was going to be positive (even though I told myself out loud that it wasn’t likely).

Welp.  I was wrong.  And boy was I mad about it!  In fact, Cody and I fought for TWO DAYS cause I was so pissed off about it.  Mature – I know.

I’ve since tested twice more because I still feel pregnant.  And I’ve still only gotten negative results.  I’m baffled.  And so mad at my body… how could she mimic pregnancy symptoms so well?  And why?  I feel betrayed.  What a nasty trick to pull.  

Now I wait.  And once I get the dreaded visit from my aunt, I’m off to the clinic… again.  I was thinking about it today and though I’m not excited about the number of visits, the transvaginal ultrsound, or the money we fork out to them, I AM happy that my periods will be normal again (thank you, again, PCOS you f-er).  I’ll know exactly when they should be arriving and how long they’ll last.  I only wish it would come without pain… Who thought I’d ever be happy about fertility medications?

In other “news”, we had friends over the other day.  The same ones who went to Vegas.  During dinner, Seth looked at Christine and said “Is now a good time?” and she nodded.  He looked at us and said “Christine’s eating for two.”.  Instantly, I plastered a (fake) smile on my face and exclaimed “Oh my God!”.  Cody reached under the table and squeezed my leg – but couldn’t manage to say anything to the happy couple.  After finding out how far along Christine is (9 weeks… yup, she conceived right when I miscarried.  Awesome.  The world is right once again.), Seth said to us “So, if you’re free to babysit anytime next year…” and I did it.  I blurted out that we miscarried!  I’m a tool.  I feel so f-ing terrible that I probably made them feel bad!  Cody says it was fine, but I still feel awful.

In more other “news”, Toby is going to the vet for the first time tomorrow!  I adore this little kitten.  He snuggles and purrs and always wants to nap on my chest or on my shoulder in my neck.  He sleeps through most of the night.  He smells so good.  He makes my heart smile – ugh… how corny.

Hope everyone is doing well!


Smiling through a headache,