I feel like a terrible person.
No joke, there were 3 pregnancy announcements today. A couple on WordPress and one where I work (thankfully, not a co-worker, but a patient). While I am mostly happy for these people, I am sad for myself.
Pity is gross. Who wants pity? No one. I try not to pity people, and I am the first person to spit out the words “I don’t need – or WANT – your pity!” (said a few times to my husband, even). However, I sit here feeling like I am pitying myself. What a weird and twisted web that is!
I cannot keep reading about people getting pregnant. I feel like I am holding up a measuring stick to these people! And as one blogger gets pregnant after another, I am left sad and empty. It’s not fair to me. And it’s not fair to them. Women who conceive should be allowed to be happy! I don’t want to rain on that parade. So from this point forward, please feel free to “unfollow” me once you’re pregnant. No offence will be taken. I really, really don’t want to be bitching about how mad and angry I am that I can’t get pregnant and all the while it’s making you upset and/or irritated and/or guilty.
In turn, I am really sorry if I unfollow your blog once you announce that you’ve been able to conceive. I really am happy for you, but it’s too hard for me to read your hourly, daily, weekly updates on how great everything is. I hope that the pregnancy goes well, that everyone is happy, healthy, and safe. I also hope that it doesn’t offend you if you find I’ve stopped following your posts. Please note that I will creep your blog every once in a while to check on how things are going!
This happens in “real life” as well. I am so paranoid when a friend calls out of the blue. I am completely convinced they’re calling to tell us that they’re going to have a baby. I have come to the conclusion that a couple that we’re friends with are going to start trying for kids soon since they just came back from Vegas. I have managed to conclude in my mind that this was their last hoorah for a while and now it’s gonna be baby time.
What the hell is wrong with me?!
A patient came to the pharmacy today with his baby. She is a few months old and quite active and happy! The entire time they were in the store, Little Miss kept smiling and giggling at me, constantly saying “HI!”. When I tried to get back to work, she’s start getting louder and louder with “HI HI HI HI HI!!”. She was adorable. And all I could do was hope that I would get to have my own one of these days.