I’m so frustrated today!
I wasn’t going to write about this cycle until it was over and I knew the result… I’m a little superstitious and thought that I might end up jinxing it. Apparently you don’t need to do much to jinx it.
This cycle (CYCLE 9!) we’re doing an IUI. Our first IUI. I was so optimistic. I was fine with doing the injections – whatever. There are worse things in life…. after the first one, I was good to go. Might not be the same for everyone, but it was ok for me. Even the cost of the meds was something I eventually got over. Well… mostly over. There is something about paying more for a few vials of medication than we do on our mortgage that made me cry a couple of times, but I was dealing with it.
We’re $2000 in. I am on cycle day 12. My follicles (which sounds like there is a fair number of them) are way too small. The biggest one is 1.2 (12)… but they want them to be 1.8 to 2.0 (18 to 20). On Wednesday, I had 3 of the same size (0.9) and two of those bad boys are the same mother f’n size today and ONE grew to 1.2. How is this possible?? I’m shooting myself up with a ridiculous amount of medication and it’s doing nothing?
My RE decided that I would jack it up to 3 vials a day over the weekend and see how that goes. Great… I love more guesswork.
I think I’m so frustrated because on cycle 1, I had more follicles and of decent size with Femara alone. And I happened to release 3 of those bad boys with the help of Ovidrel. I’m also frustrated because the RE told me that what’d we’d do when we proceeded to an IUI was 5 days of Femara followed by injectables. Another frustration is that I’m not even on the injectable that she said she’d put me on. Oh, and I’m pissed of that Bravelle is the “least expensive” option – what the hell do the others cost?? Ahh… and did I mention we’re $2000 in? Yeah, I’m mad about that too.
I get it – bodies are unpredictable. You can’t tell what a person will respond well to. You can’t predict what number and size of follicles you’ll get. Doesn’t mean it isn’t the most irritating situation.
I’m confused too. We’re supposed to head back to the clinic on Monday to see how the 3 vials worked, but that means I’ll be on cycle day 15. At some point, isn’t my body just going to say “fuck it” and ovulate on its own – regardless of the size? Maybe not, I have no idea how the female body works (and I happen to own one). And I definitely don’t want the RE to tell me that we’ll just give the IUI a shot… see what happens. I want the follicles to be big. I want them to be happy and healthy and ready to meet Cody’s runners. I want there to be a lot of them (well… a few.). If everything isn’t optimal, I don’t want to do the IUI. We’re already pissing away a crap load of money. I’m not gonna “just see what happens”.
I’m starting a new job next week too. (Yay me!). I can’t take time off to go into the city every 15 minutes. Do you think the RE could show some compassion about that? Nope. Well, lady – how the fuck do you expect me to pay for these stupid medications??
I hate you, infertility. I hate you Bravelle. I hate you, PCOS. And if you’re not careful, I’m going to hate you too, Fertility Clinic. And once you’re in my bad books, it’s really hard to redeem yourself.